WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS
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Authors Notes: This is a TSbyBS scene from Jims PoV. Blairs PoV was covered in "Dust in the wind". The song "When all else fails" was written by J.Farnham, R.Frazer and P.Buckle and was released by John Farnham on his album "Then Again" I have taken the liberty of using portions of the transcript as transcribed by Becky, but have slightly changed a small portion of Blairs speech, to read the way I think it was said.
"Im searching for something
Thats so hard to find
Im falling down mountains
I cant seem to climb
Driving down highways
That dont have an end
I cant find the sign, am I lost again
When all else fails - You will be there
When all else fails - Ill hang on to you
When all else fails - Youll still be there
When all else fails - Ill turn to you
Jim Ellison sipped at his luke-warm coffee and tried to concentrate on the information that Joel Taggart was giving him about the case. He was incredibly tired and his body was complaining about the assorted bruises he had sustained at the site of the explosion a few hours before. He couldnt remember when hed last slept and a million worries were battling for attention in his weary brain.
He really wanted to get to the hospital to check up on Simon and Megan. They had both been taken into surgery in serious condition and there had been no further news yet. The last thing he wanted to do now was have to worry about the repugnant Bartley who had fought the protection they had attempted to give him every step of the way.
And Blair. Jim still couldnt bring himself to really examine his feelings regarding his partners breach of trust. He thought of the ordeal they had both suffered at the hands of Alex Barnes, when Jim had accused Blair of keeping the other sentinels presence from him and Jim had forced him from his home and his life.
Blair had almost died then, no he had died until Jim was able to reaffirm the link with his guide and revive him. Slowly they had begun to rebuild the bond of friendship and trust that both had come to rely on.
Now Blair had tossed away that same bond like so much garbage. He had allowed Naomi to send his thesis to some bigwig publisher and Jims life would never be the same again.
Jim had never bothered to question how Blair was going to be able to validate his thesis and still keep the detectives identity a secret. Blair had always had all the answers, from the first time Jim had walked into the tiny storage room at Rainier University. Jim still didnt know what had drawn him there. His first impressions of the grad student had done little to instill a sense of confidence in him.
Now Blair had betrayed his trust again and this time Jim thought the fabric too frayed to ever be repaired. With that thought in mind, he had approached his Captain just before the shooting to tell him that Blairs ridealong status was over.
Whether he could dampen his senses or not, Blairs research was finished and hed told the anthropologist to let it go. Hell, more than that, hed encouraged him to take the money, to go for the brass ring. Jim shook himself mentally as Rafes words filtered through his cluttered mind. Sandburg was holding a press conference. So this was it, the final nail in the coffin.
"Hi. Thank you all for coming. I just have a short speech prepared here. Um... In our media-informed culture, a scientist receives validation by having his or her work published and after years of research there is great personal satisfaction when that goal is reached. However, my desire to impress both my peers and the world at large drove me to an immoral and unethical act. My thesis "The Sentinel" is, is a fraud."
Oh God, oh God, Sandburg, no, Jims heart stopped and he felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room.
"While my paper does quote ancient source material, the documentation proving that James Ellison..." Blair paused, seeming lost in his thoughts, then shook himself and ploughed on. " actually possesses hyper-senses is fraudulent. Looking back, I cant even say that it's a good piece of fiction. I apologize for this deception. My only hope is that I can be forgiven for the pain I've caused those that are close to me. Thank you."
"Im selfish and jealous
Im proud and a fool
Im walking with strangers
And strangers are cruel
Im praying to gods
That I dont even know
Im ready and willing
Where do I go?"
Jim felt himself stagger backwards in disbelief. This was the last thing hed expected hear and suddenly Jim was assailed by memories so intense that his senses felt flooded, overwhelmed.
For the past three years, Blair had put himself at Jims disposal, juggling classes, exams and more often than not, sleep. Granted, it had been his choice and even when there had been a chance to pull out, he had refused. It would be like swapping the rollercoaster for the merry go round, hed said.
Finally though, he had the chance to achieve something for himself, the one thing that had been the reason for all the sacrifices in the first place. The words from so long ago came back to Jim.
"Its about friendship. I just didnt get it before."
Jesus, Ellison, he died because of you and you still didnt get it. How could you even think that he would betray his convictions and his faith in you?
Now Jim came full circle and saw the whole picture. Sentinel and Guide. In order for the sentinel to function, his guide must be there. He couldnt turn off his senses, but without his guide beside him, he would have no control of them. He would be as he was before- lost, alone, terrified. One sustains and reaffirms the other, two halves making one whole.
Jim knew now what he had to do. Hed sort out Bartley once and for all and then he was going to find Blair. This was going to finish now.
"When all else fails you will be there
When all else fails Ill hold onto you
When all else fails youll still be there
When all else fails Ill turn to you"
J.Farnham, R.Frazer, P.Buckle
- Lyn Townsend - August 24th, 2000.
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