Hell is for Children
Warning: a lost of angst, not a lot of comfort. Child Abuse, Trauma
Blair stood on the balcony watching the snow come down. Some part of his mind registered that he was dressed only in a T-shirt and boxers, and barefoot. He knew he should be freezing, but all he could feel was the pain that just seemed like a steel band around his chest that got tighter with each breath.
He thought back to earlier that evening. He and Jim had been headed home from work, when the radio call had gone out reporting a 911 call at a home in the Western Heights an upscale neighborhood in Cascade. They were only five minutes away, and had responded to the call. Jim had initially wanted to ignore the call as they had just got off work and they had been at work for almost 13 hours, but Blair had insisted that they should respond. Blair had been on the force for six months, and had found that he fit into the role of a cop better than he had ever thought he would, that is until tonight. When they pulled up to the address the colored lights of the patrol cars had made the scene surreal. As they got out of the car they saw Simon, and Joel pull up behind them, followed by Rafe and Brown. As they had made their way over to one of the patrol cars, Blair saw Jims face grow pale, even in the pulsing red and blue lights. Blair had known then it was bad, but he could have never imagined just how bad it was going to be. There were several ambulances at the scene, but it seemed like everybody was frozen. "Jim what is it?" "Its bad Blair, really bad." In all the time he had known Jim, all of the crime scenes they had been at, he had never seen Jim look so sad and scared at the same time.
The officer on the scene told them that a 911 call had been placed from this location from a young girl. The only information that the dispatcher had been able to get was that the child was that she could not get anybody to wake up. They had not been able to get a response from inside the house, and the child had not said anything more although the line was still open. Jim tried to listen to see how many people were in the house, but had zoned almost immediately. That was when Blair had understood how bad it was, Jim had not zoned for over a year. Slipping back into his role as a guide, managed to bring Jim out of the zone, and then Jim had listened again, and was able to determine there was numerous heartbeats, and he thought they were injured and probably children. Jim also said in a low voice to Simon and Blair that he could smell a lot of blood and other body fluids. A uniformed officer came over to where Simon was standing and had reported that according to the neighbors there were seven children, who lived in the home four were natural children and three were foster children. According to the neighbors, there had been no sign of the adults for the past few days, and the cars were gone. The major crime unit and several uniform officers entered the house. . The first thing that Blair had noticed was the absolute stillness, there were no typical house sounds, and no sounds of the children that they knew were in the house.
The officers began to do a room to room search, looking for the children. As they began to check the house, room by room, at first there was no sign of the children In fact there was nothing that indicated that any children even lived in the house. There were no toys, no pictures on the walls, no framed photos. The house had a feel of desolation and tragedy in the air. . They found the first child locked in a closet underneath the stairs. He could not have been more than three or four was covered with bruises, and bleeding from several cuts. When Rafe had brought the child out of the closet, he was conscious, but he did not make a sound, and did not even appear to notice the officers. As they continued through the house they had found six children all under the age of seven. Most of the children had been found tied in an empty bedroom in the back of the house. All of the children were covered in filth and had multiple bruises, in various stages of healing. It was obvious that several of the children had also been sexually abused. There was no sign of the child that had made the 911 call so they continued to search the house. By this time every officer was struggling to hold back tears. They finally found the little girl who had called 911. She was hiding in a pantry in the kitchen, holding a ragged teddy bear. As Blair reached out for her she had just backed away from him and curled up into a tight ball. Blair had crawled partway into the pantry to get her, and she just rocked back and forth and began to pound her head on the floor making a high pitched keening noise. Blair picker her up, and as he started out the door with her he could not keep the tears back anymore. He carried her to a waiting ambulance and then walked back to the truck. As he stood there taking deep breaths to try to quell the nausea in his stomach, he knew for the first time in his life, what it felt like to want to kill somebody. He had never experienced that level of rage before in his life. Even now six hours later that rage had not died down.
Jim stood at the door to the balcony watching his partner, friend, guide, and the other part of his heart. He quietly stepped outside and stood next to him
"Blair put this on o.k. asked Jim as he handed Blair a pair of sweats and a robe."
"Why Jim" Why would people do this to babies"
I dont know Blair I am not sure that there would ever be a reason that would explain this Jim said, his voice cracking with emotion."
Hearing the emotion in Jims voice broke through the barrier in Blair and he sank to the ground and started to sob. Jim picked him up and carried him back inside the loft. He sat down on the couch, holding Blair on his lap, Pulling a comforter over him, he held him close, and his own tears came. For a long time they just sat there holding on to each other, and letting the tears fall, somehow gaining strength from each others pain.
"How do you ever get used to this Jim?"
"You dont Chief you dont."
"What do we do now asked Blair in a small voice?"
Jim looked at Blair and wished that he could somehow make this all go away for his friend. Blair had lost something tonight that he would never be able to get back.
"We hang on to each other said Jim we just hang on."
As they sat holding each other Blair remembered a song he had heard years ago and softly began to sing the lyrics as they watched the sun start to rise.
"They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child
Hell Is For Children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell Is For Children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh"
Pat Benatar - Hell Is For Children