A Calm Acceptance

by Shadde

 

Summary: Missing scene for The Waiting Room.

Disclaimer: Not mine though I really wish they were. Any way I get no money for this so you can't sue me.

I don't know what's up with my partner. Is it that he couldn't save the man he tripped over or is it something else because he so tense and angry lately and totally seems to be unaware of proper behavior for a police station or any public venue. So he goes on and on about me maybe seeing a ghost in the middle of the bullpen, not even in a quiet voice. I tell him I'm on shaky ground and he still insists loud enough for Simon and Joel who have just moved over to my desk to hear "The experience you had last night--the intense cold, the sweet smell, the shimmering light--this is all classic textbook stuff. If there actually are ghosts, you may have seen one."

Of course Simon is looking at both of us like we need a quick trip to the nut house especially after me insisting I saw something last night in a closet when there was nobody there. Joel turns away shaking his head but I saw the glint of devilment in his eyes. Why couldn't Blair have just shelved this conversation until we got home? Why is he so desperate that I acknowledge I've seen a ghost?

Later instead of taking the guys teasing in hand he's so angry and disillusioned, doesn't even believe I wasn't in on the game though I said I wasn't and I don't make a habit of lying, which he knows.

Joel realizes Blair isn't laughing with them, that in fact he's taking this ghost thing pretty serious. He tries to apologize but Blair isn't listening and I'm not to happy either, after all for Rafe and Brown to know he had to tell them so his apologies are a little late. He's usually more sensitive to Blair's feelings than this. What is happening to all of us?

Is it Blair's death? Are we all, Blair included so unable to deal with the horror of that day, that even though Blair's back we're still reacting to his loss? I mean is Blair's desperation for me to acknowledge the ghost a way to validate his presence, being here, alive with us after having the time of death called on him?

When I tell Blair I see something after the guys have left he thinks I'm trying to humor him or make him feel better but finally after I follow the light, he comes on behind me.

Molly is a wonder and a surprise to the both of us especially when I find myself calmly accepting her presence and following the clues to the murders in that building. Hers over 30 years ago and the one that happened the other night.

Blair tries to document what I'm seeing and feeling but all of his ghost buster equipment turns out to be so much junk. This seems to make him doubt me and my sanity sometimes. I'm following clues and he's questioning what I'm doing.

He does make some jokes or is it a joke about part of his research on heightened senses being evidence of mental illness after we realize Dunlop, a definite head-case can also see her. I hope he isn't trying to tell me something here, but nah that's at least a spark of my old partner I'm seeing because this new one, so desperate, sad and hungry like he's searching for a part of himself he's lost is unnerving and frightening. Did he lose something at the fountain I couldn't bring back?

His discourse on the theory that a murdered soul remains in the place of their death, in a sort of limbo, unable to pass to the next world has me looking at him. Is he talking about Molly or is he talking about himself? Was he trapped there in the spirit world forever at that fountain until our spirit animals merged because he didn't know why he died?

He's so desperate sometimes and I wish I knew if that desperation was because of the fountain or because Incacha passed the way of the shaman over to him and he thinks he should be able to see Molly too.

I tell Blair he should have seen her eyes and if there is another life she deserves to get there. I hope he realizes I'm not just talking about her but that if I hadn't been able to bring him back I would have done all I could to make sure he got to pass on the next life too, because he deserves it as much and more than anyone else.

I'll be glad when this case is over for Molly, Dunlop who is in as much pain as she is and for Blair. We're going to have to deal with what happened at that fountain soon. I don't think we can duck out on it anymore. Everything is so messed up. We're to out of sync and if things don't change something really bad is going to happen I can feel it.

We finally do solve the case with Dunlop's help and Bromley's Venus only it isn't very satisfying accept that Molly and Dunlop are finally free as Bromley is lost to the prison of his mind and can never to be made to face up to his crime.

Blair says he's already in prison with the Alzheimer's and he's right. It's also good to that thief and murderer Trent paid for his crime although I wish he'd given me a chance to arrest rather than kill him.

Now that it's all over maybe Blair and I can also make peace with what happened at the fountain and with Alex, another thieving, murdering, psycho.

Well we'll deal with it as soon as I get rid of Vince Deal. Why does he think I need his help to do my job? Actors!!

~end~

BACK