Beta'd by Lyn. Thank you! This is for all of you who wanted to see a little bit more of the 'Blair's Baby' universe.
Night Moves ('Blair's Baby' Missing Scene)
By Demeter
EMAIL: Demeter
He always knew when she was waking up, seconds before, by the change in her heartbeat and breathing.
Tonight was no exception, and Jim was out of bed and downstairs before the first cry from small, but nevertheless strong lungs sounded. Time for another meal.
He'd discovered soon that having spent a substantial time of his life in the army and with the police came very much in handy when there was a baby in the house - getting up quickly and on alert definitely paid off in this situation.
Softly talking to her, Jim carried her into the kitchen where he prepared her bottle. Once again he was amazed by the sheer tininess of her, those fingers, and that cute miniature nose...
"But hey, I could go on all night and you'd never get your dinner," he told her, chuckling.
A few minutes later, he sat down with her in the living room - little Susan had once and for all done in the house rules - to feed her. She was suckling happily, just like him, needing no artificial light to see, large blue eyes seeming to hold his gaze. Well, probably not, but it was nice to imagine.
Having been granted a leave of absence, Jim found that he didn't mind taking care of this task; in fact, he enjoyed it, so much he almost felt guilty.
The first days, he'd tried to step back, to give Blair a chance to bond with the baby, but after a few mornings of facing Blair's bleary-eyed, unhappy expression at the breakfast table, Jim had felt even more guilty and offered to take over for a few nights.
A few nights had become a few more, and now, they just didn't mention it. Jim had the use of his dials almost perfected, so even changing diapers didn't bother him. After all the worries and the danger, there was finally a period of relative piece, and he was determined to make the most of it. It filled him with a sense of pride that he was able to determine the perfect temperature for her bottle.
Susan most definitely had Sentinel senses, and still she wasn't demanding much. Having her needs met, food on time, clean diapers and some rocking and cuddling, she was a quiet baby, nothing like he had initially feared. They'd hit a lucky streak.
Only Blair didn't seem to feel that way. His needs were more complicated than a warm drink and some cuddling, //hell if I know what they are anyway.//
With a sigh, Jim put the baby back into her crib, watching her long after she had fallen asleep again. He knew Blair was awake in his room, too, but he wouldn't get up, wouldn't even talk about it.
In moments like this, Jim had a hard time not to get impatient with him. Of course Blair was still recovering from a traumatic experience, no one was denying that. Still, he was an adult who was able to speak out, unlike little Susan who was, for now, totally dependent on them, and would be a while longer.
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These days, Blair was sometimes wondering if he was losing his mind, or had already lost it, and his imagination had catapulted him into some weird, alternate universe, where he had born a baby that seemed to trigger all the protective - maternal, right! - instincts in the ex-Ranger, highly decorated cop, Sentinel, whom he called his friend.
Not that he wasn't extremely grateful, for all the support Jim had given him right from the start when they had learned the impossible. Especially lately, when sleeping through a night seemed wishful thinking, and Jim was so eager to leave his own warm bed to warm bottles and do some cooing and rocking.
Jim, who had done everything he could to make sure that Blair's life would be saved first, no matter what, no matter what the outcome would have been for the life that had grown within him.
//Okay, Blair, now you're jealous of the kid you were so determined to bring into the world. It's here now. So there.//
Somehow, foolishly, he had hoped that everything would change once they'd brought Susan home from the hospital, that they'd care for her together and simply forget about just how she'd been conceived and born.
He couldn't betray his own body though, making it *not* remember the violation.
It came back to him in neverending nightmares. While he'd been totally out during the operation, some part of him had to have been aware, vision or hallucination, but the image of lying on the table, bleeding from a gaping hole in his belly while everyone just left, had stayed with him.
They hadn't left him alone, but Brackett had threatened the medical staff, and there had been some commotion in the OR. Rationally, he knew that, but the fear was the same. And sometimes, even holding the baby, brought it back.
Going out was an almost inaccomplishable task. He hadn't been this bad, Blair thought ruefully, when there'd been a fetus inside of him, his altered figure for all the world to see. That was because he had harbored silly, unrealistic hopes. They hadn't come true.
He traced the scar with his fingers once more, as he'd done often lately, more aware than ever before that he could have lost his life. Not just during the operation, the C-section, for crying out loud.
He was a man who had born a baby, and he still didn't know what that made him.
Listening to Jim sing softly to said baby, Blair once again squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to let the tears come. Hormones couldn't be an excuse any longer.