Delusion (Edge of the Knife II: Simon)

By Demeter

EMAIL: Demeter

I don't think I'll ever forget the sight of Jim, cradling Sandburg in his arms, the kid's blood all over the two of them. I have heard the 911 call, and make it there at the same time the paramedics do. They think of a suicide attempt immediately, and sure, it looks that way. Both arms have been slit, deeply.

It makes me shudder; can they really save him? And if not... God, I can't imagine that.

The sound Jim makes when when they take Blair away from him is like that of a wounded animal.

He'll never get over this.

***

Jim was about to go right after them, regardless of his own state. I can fortunately convince him to wash his hands and face first - you got that right, he had blood on his face, too.

So far, he hasn't been able to tell me what has happened, though I think - hope - that he's getting more lucid. Except he makes that sound again when the water turns rusty-red, his best friend's blood washing down the drain.

I don't get it. He and Sandburg are practically more married than some real couples I know. They love each other. So why?

***

In the hospital, Jim isn't any more communicative, just slumping into a chair in the waiting room and staring straight ahead.

It gives me a little more time to think while we wait and worry. I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of Blair Sandburg committing suicide. No. Way.

He's got this hunger for life, a strong optimism that has carried him through the rougher parts of an occupation he hasn't chosen to begin with. So what can be bad enough to make him want to cross that line?

Why did Jim have his blood on his face?

***

The doctor tells us that Sandburg was very lucky. His condition is stable; my relief at these news is so profound it actually makes my knees go week. Strangely enough, it does nothing to remove the haunted look from Ellison's face.

"Did you hear him, Jim? Blair is going to be okay?"

"Okay is not the word I'd choose at the moment," the doc says somewhat grimly. "He'll live, though. Does any of you have an idea what caused this?" He is, too, going for the suicide explanation, while inside of me, suspicion grows.

I'm not sure what I suspect.

***

The first thing Jim says when in the room is, 'I'm sorry', his whisper, seeming loud in the silent room, making me freeze.

This is a nightmare. These are my friends, both of them, who share some weird secrets, but are good guys otherwise. I've known Jim for a while longer, and I know how he feels about Sandburg. It's unthinkable that he could be involved in anything to hurt his friend this bad, figuratively and literally speaking.

Jim's behavior worries me. Scares me.

Something has changed since the kidnapping; since Barclay used Blair as a bait.

To the worse.