Hold On

By: Debbie


AUTHOR’S NOTES: This is a missing scene for the episode 'Blind Man's Bluff'. It takes place right after Blair collapses in Jim's arms in the PD garage. It ends up right before the scene where they show Jim sitting by Blair's bedside in the hospital. This is from Jim's POV as he tries dealing with his lost sight and his other senses are trying to compensate. Was written 1/2005 for January Themefic for SentinelAngst.


I envelope Blair in my arms and hold on for dear life. I think that if I let him go, he really will go. Even though I keep whispering to him to hold on. All of my senses are focused on him. I feel myself slipping into a zone. One I don't mind slipping into. I can lose myself in him.

Suddenly, there's a pull on my arms and Blair is pulled away from me.

"NO!! Don't!!"

Soon, other arms are helping me to my feet. I try to pull away, but the hold is tight.

"The paramedics need to work, Jim."

I only nod at Simon as he holds me back.

I refocus my four fully functioning senses. My hearing is the most prominent as it latches onto Blair's heartbeat, erratic and fluttering. I hear his breathing, shallow and halting. I listen as the paramedics battle to save Blair's life.

In a flash, it happens. One skip, two skips and a flatline. The zone. And nothing.


When I'm aware again, I can make out Simon's silhouette. And I'm up against the wall as I can feel the rough concrete against my back. The smell of one of Simon's cigars tickles my nose. I dare to extend out my hearing. There are no more frantic movements and urgent instructions. My heart leaps to my throat. It couldn't be, could it?

"Si - mon?" My head feels fuzzy and unfocused.

"You finally back with me, Jim? You scared me half to death. It's been almost an hour."

"What?? Where's Blair?"

"At the hospital. Joel says he's been placed in Intensive Care. What did you zone on, Jim?"

Simon knows. Damn. It's best to tell the truth.

"Blair's heartbeat. It skipped a beat, then two. Then he flatlined. I thought - "

I can't voice my worry.

"I need to go to the hospital."

Thankfully, Simon doesn't demand to know what I thought. He probably thought the same thing. I try to scramble to my feet, grateful when Simon helps me to my feet.

"We'll both go to the hospital. I want to see how Sandburg is. And you need a chauffeur anyway."

I can tell by Simon's voice that he's concerned about Blair also. I always knew he cared about Blair. Blair has that effect on people.

Simon helps me to his car and we go to the hospital. I feel a sudden urge to see Blair - to reconnect with him. What if he doesn't make it? I try not to think that way.

We reach the hospital and go up to Intensive Care. Joel is standing outside Blair's room. He walks over to us.

"How are you, Jim?"

Does everyone know I zoned? Blair will be pissed off to know that.

"Is your eyesight any better?"

I sigh in relief.

"It's still mostly silhouettes and fuzzy images. How's Blair?"

"The doctors are cautiously optimistic. They placed Blair on a respirator and say they won't know the full extent of things until Blair comes to."

I understand what Joel is dancing around. The outlook is unknown. This drug has already killed. And it could kill again.

I'm torn between getting the dealers of this Golden or staying here to make sure Blair hangs on and comes to. I'll stay for now. I've got to reconnect with Blair. I couldn't do much out in the field anyway, even if Simon would let me go. Which I'm sure he won't.

I stumble into the Intensive Care room where Blair is. I hear the swoosh-swoosh of the respirator as it pumps air into Blair's lungs. I inch my way towards the bed, bumping up against the rail. I'm able to latch onto Blair's heartbeat underneath the other sounds in the room. I reach down, taking Blair's hand within mine. I move up to hold his wrist, feeling the pulse point. It's a strong pulse.

"That's it, Chief. Hang in there."

I catch a whiff of Blair's herbal shampoo through the hospital smells. And I still can smell the fear that I smelled in the garage.

"It's okay, Chief. You're fine."

I *look* down at Blair, willing my blurry, golden sight to crystallize so I can see him clearly. But it seems sheer want and willpower won't do it. I make out Blair's outline in the bed and how still he is. Deathly still. I shake my head to banish the thought.

"I'm here, Blair. You can relax. I'll be the strong one."

I taste the tear as it reaches my mouth. I didn't even realize I was crying. My focus is on Blair. I reach up to wipe the tears away. I sit down to wait.

"We can hold on, Blair. Together."

And I know we will.