Whispers On the Edge Of My Mind

By Cheryl

EMAIL: Cheryl

Chapter 1 - Memories of Sha're

"Jim?"

"Jack."

"Jack."

"Yes, Daniel?"

Daniel… okay. I'm still not sure about that. I know that's my name… or at least so I'm told…. Apparently the medical jury is still out on that for a few days. I felt comfortable with Arom… naked one… So it was a bit annoying, if not embarrassing at first, but after a while it was comfortable. Like a possession I'd had for a long time… as long as two moons worth of memory went.

"Daniel… Daniel?"

"Hmmmmm?"

"That is your name, you know. The one your parents gave you when you were born."

Parents.

"Daniel?"

I can feel him stepping closer to me. He's worried but I can't look at him. Parents… It's like a whisper at the edge of my memory. A feeling of warmth and contentment that I can't seem to put a face to. A smell tickling my mind like a feather, stirring up emotions I can't quite grasp. I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

The moment is gone now.

"Okay, buddy, you've got me worried now."

That's just scary.

"Sorry, J-J-Jack." Almost slipped. "I was miles away."

"Yeah, I noticed that. You zoned out on me there. Remember something?"

"Ah no, not really… More of a feeling, I suppose. I was just trying to remember who my parents were."

"Ah. I... um… see."

No, you don't but that's okay.

It's quiet here at the moment. Jack found me being politely led by my assigned keeper back to my room. I'd been to see Teal'c, and although our rooms are fairly close together, I still couldn't quite remember the way back. After dismissing my protector for a few hours, Jack suggested we might take a stroll.

"So, Jack?" I see him smile. Yes, okay, I got it right this time. "Where are we going?"

"Well, seeing as you were still up, and for some insane reason I couldn't find my office..."

What?? He can't find his office? I'm not going to ask him why.

"I thought this would be a great opportunity to take a trip down memory lane."

………………………………………………………..

He's stopped dead in his tracks. Okay, there it is again. That 'Danny in a headlight' look. Some things never change. He's worn that look on so many occasions over so many years that Oma throwing him back to mere mortal status as an embryo wouldn't have made a difference. He's scared. I don't blame him. I'm scared. We've gone from sheer elation at finding our 'lost' friend to heartbreak at the prospect of never truly having him back at all.

Janet has tried, bless her, to explain amnesia in all its different forms. I listened, a vicarious experience for me, I'll admit, but I did listen. I just want it all back. I want SG1 back the way it was. I want my best friend back the way he was. I don't consider that to be selfish on my part. I've seen the looks on Sam and Teal'c's faces for the last year and I've seen that very same look in my own reflection. It went well beyond grief and right into deep despair. This is all about second chances, and yes, I want as many as I can have.

"Daniel, we're just going to walk around for a bit and see what happens. There is only a small number of staff here at night so it's a perfect opportunity to just take it slow without being interrupted." Okay, maybe not my brightest idea.

"Daniel?"

"Sure."

Not much enthusiasm there but at least he's moving again.

Ah, the Gate Room. My most favorite place… next to the commissary on Wednesdays! Starting place of many a great, and some not so great adventures. Doorway to worlds beyond and gateway to the proverbial galactic sandbox! Yadda-yadda- yadda!

The look on Daniel's face when we brought him back through to Earth earlier today was priceless. A real MasterCard moment. He gave a new meaning to the word 'rubber neck'. It was odd to see him so curious over something that should have been a ho-hum experience for him. But that was all lost to Danny. …………………………………………………..

"We traveled through that?!"

"We did… we do."

The gate on Vis Uban didn't have a ramp like this one. It had a sort of raised platform made from stone, well polished from years of use, though I never saw any visitors the whole time I was there. But then I never left the camp… till the last day.

"You have not left the camp in two full moons."

"You think I'm afraid."

"A man who knows not where he has been cannot know where he is going."

"I have to admit part of me isn't so sure I want to know."

Honest words, my friend… and I'm still afraid to know.

"We travel to many worlds in search of knowledge, technologies, weapons, resources and potential… Allies." Jack lingers over 'allies' and I wonder why.

"And you've found all of those things?" I watch a small wince pass across his face as he takes in my response.

"Well, yes!" He's way too enthusiastic. "And a few threats." Ah, there it is! Threats.

"Who's coming through the Stargate?"

"Gods."

"What?"

"Not as in God god. Ra played a god. The Sun God. He borrowed the religion and culture of the ancient Egyptians he brought through the gate and then he used it to enslave them. You see, he wanted the people of Abydos to believe that he was the only one."

"So you saying Ra is not the last of his race after all."

Whoa! Where did that come from? I take an involuntary step back and Jack reaches for me.

"You okay?"

"Gods."

I feel like I'm holding two conversations. The one in my mind questioning the little images that keep popping in and out, and the other with Jack who is looking more confused that I am.

"What? No, Daniel, not gods… Goa'uld"

"Gould?"

He frowns slightly.

"Okay, close enough… yeah, egotistical snakes hell bent on galactic domination and bad wardrobes. They take humans and other species as hosts because they can't live out of their natural environment. Not only do they take over the host body but their mind as well."

"This one's passionate."

"How much would I remember if you chose me?"

"Daniel, what are you doing?"

"Something of the host must survive."

"We've been kicking their slimy asses for years now and we're doing okay. Actually, we're getting quite a reputation."

"If anything, the fact that he knew how to set the auto destruct code proves that there's hope for Sha're and Skaara."

"How?"

"Because only Kawalsky could have known that code."

"So something of the host must survive."

"Daniel?"

Oh God, they took her! I know Teal'c indicated that Sha're was dead but he never said how. I need this to stop! Images are suddenly flying into my mind so fast that I can't comprehend them.

Sha're is kissing me so passionately I'm left speechless. The crowd around us cheering appreciatively.

"Goodbye, my Dan'yel."

Sha're with a hole in her chest.

"No, Sha're, fight it."

"My host cannot help you."

Radiantly pregnant.

"Sha're, what does Apophis want with a human child?"

"He wishes the child to one day become his new host."

I'm going to be sick any moment now. I feel like I'm being assaulted and I have no defences.

"It's all right, Sha're, push."

"No, the demon will come back."

"You have to push."

"But I will lose you, Dan'yel, please!"

"Look at me. Look at me. I love you. I will always love you, you understand? The Goa'uld will never be able to take that away from us, do you understand me? Never."

A baby boy. So much like his mother. So very beautiful.

"Apophis, my Pharaoh, will destroy you both for this!"

Cold and pale, her body covered by a thin sheet on a metal slab. Her once lively and animated face is slack in death. Everything that was her, is gone.

"You must forgive Teal'c. He did the right thing."

The images are jumbled, mixed up. The inside of an ornate tent. The heat of the desert. A cold sterile room… a morgue. A brightly lit chamber, full of friendly faces. A sense of family. Home. Fear. Loss. Sorrow.

"Teal'c killed her." I know I'm struggling to stay upright at the moment because Jack has got me by both arms. I flinch at his touch. It's not something I'm used to.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I thought this would be a good idea. I need to get you out of here."

And that's going to make a difference how?

"Teal'c killed her."

"He didn't have a choice, Daniel." He's hustling me towards the blast doors. It's like an odd kind of waltz. "Sha're was kidnapped by Apophis and made a host to his queen, Ammonet. She was killing you, and Teal'c had to act."

"It is I who am responsible. I was forced to fire upon and terminate the life of Sha're. However, I assure you it was done only to save your life."

"I remember." It comes out weakly but he hears it none the less.

"You do?" I can hear the surprise in his voice. We're moving awkwardly down a corridor and I have no idea where we are going.

"I have to say Daniel this is one of a list of memories I wish had taken its time coming back but I guess that's something we can't control."

We? Like you've got a say in it, Jack?

"I am sorry Sha're is dead, however, you are my friend. If I had to do it again, I would do the same."

"I forgave him."

"Yes, you did."

…………………………………………………………

Oh yes, Jack, this was so not one of your brightest ideas! What was I thinking? A trip down memory lane!? More like a bloody nightmare. I can see him falling apart before my eyes.

"Come on, buddy, I got you. Not far to your room."

I suppose I should be grateful in a weird way. At least we know his memories are in there somewhere, but knowing they're there and bringing them out is not going to be a pleasant event.

Damn! He's not looking too good at the moment. I am so dead when Janet gets wind of this.

"Nearly there, Daniel. You holding up okay?"

"Just fine," he stammers.

Fine. Well, there's a word I was hoping this incarnation might have left out of his vocab, but I guess not. I'm eternally grateful it's late and staff numbers are low, as we've managed to avoid meeting anyone at this point. His room is at the end of the corridor. Not long to go now, buddy.

"Colonel O'Neill, sir!" Oh shit!

"Doc! Hey! We, um, went for a little walk…" Oh, she's pissed.

Chapter 2 - Not Quite Lost

"And this is the Linguistics and Anthropological Department."

We've fallen into a little routine over the last two nights, waiting till the later hours when the base is quiet, and then Jack takes me on these excursions. We've been to the Gate Room, Gear up Room and Briefing Room so far and the experience has been interesting. It's not like I haven't ventured into these places during the day, but at night, with very few people around my mind is more at ease and I seem to be able to bring more memories to the forefront.

As I enter the large open plan room, I know I have a look of utter bewilderment on my face. One half of the room is all desks lined with computers and other equipment whilst the other side is filled with floor to ceiling display cases housing hundreds of artifacts.

"This is amazing, Jack. How many people did you say work here?"

"Oh, it fluctuates from time to time but about twenty five or so. A lot of the personnel are assigned to SG teams so they spend quite a lot of time off world."

I'm slowly making my away along the first row of display cases, taking in the various items skillfully displayed. An odd array of pottery vases and statuettes mixed with jewelry and what looks like headwear. Some of the items seem familiar but I can't quite pin down why.

The next display case looks promising. Tablets of various sizes are lined up side by side, all carefully tagged and catalogued.

"Is this everything that has been bought back by the SG teams?"

Jack's smiling now. An odd lopsided smile that makes me think he's hiding something.

"No, Daniel. Some of the stuff…" he waves casually towards the cases "…has been here since the start but a lot of the artifacts and technologies that we acquire are studied briefly here and then turned over to Area 51 for them to play with."

"Area 51?"

"Research and Development, amongst other things."

"Oh, okay." I have no idea what he's talking about, although he looks satisfied that he's explained himself. I'll ask Sam later.

"There is so much here, it's a wonder that they can study all of it with only twenty five people on staff," I say as I walk along the cases, casually picking up items for a closer look.

"Oh, I don't know, Daniel, when you were running this department, there were never any problems and a lot less people to share the work."

Ah, so that's what the smile was for.

"I ran this department?!"

"Since the inception of the program just over seven years ago."

I know what he wants. He hasn't said it out loud but I can see it in his eyes. Everyone has skirted around the events surrounding my 'death' but I'm not that blind that I can't see the grief it caused. He wants his team back but I'm not so sure it's going to be that easy.

……………………………………………

Oh yes, all is not lost. I can see it in on his face as he wanders along the display cases soaking up their contents. The old 'kid in a candy store' saying seems to apply at this moment. I watch him with a growing sense of pride because I know this is tough on him. Our little jaunt to the Gate room last night was all the proof I needed. I thought Janet was going to nail me to the wall with the biggest needles she could find, but curiously enough after settling Daniel down, she was reasonably good-natured towards me. I'm fairly certain though, that my next physical will show exactly how far that good nature extends!

"I recognize the writing on some of these items. This is Phoenician, these two are, um, Linea B, sort of. Some of the symbols I can't quite place but it's definitely Linea B." His brows knit in thought… A sight I've seen many times in the past.

"I know what these writings are and yet I don't recall learning them."

"You know a lot of languages, Daniel."

"I do?"

"I think it was nearly thirty at last count."

"Thirty?"

"Is there an echo in here?"

He shakes his head at me in mock annoyance but I'm sure I catch a hint of a smile before he resumes his excavation of the display cases.

…………………………………………………………

"I've seen this before." The slightly off-square black/grey tablet is cool in my hands. I've held it before. Its face is covered with symbols that literally leap out at me and yet their meaning is just out of reach.

"Let me see," he says and I hand him the tablet.

"It's one of the Gould tablet devices, like the kind we found on Argos."

"I think it's some Goa'uld data storage thingy," he tells me.

"I picked that up in the Linvris Chamber."

"Daniel?"

"That explains how I got infected. There were nine Linvris."

"And when you activated the device, the last one went into you."

"The Linvris."

…………………………………………………….

Oh crap, this is another one of those memories that I was hoping would not make an appearance, and on my scale of one to totally screwed, this is pretty near the top. The moment he said, "Linvris", I knew we were in trouble. Christ, Danny, its bad enough that you have to remember this horror but I get an upfront seat on how badly we treated you.

He's shaking his head slightly and the glazed look in his eyes tells me the show has started. A big part of me wants to see if Janet is still around just in case I need her but an even bigger part is telling me that her part in this particular nightmare was less than spectacular. Nope it's just him and me.

…………………………………………………………………..

A stark white padded room. No, more like a cell. They think I'm crazy. Jack?

"I was just making sure you weren't a figment of my mind. They took away my glasses in case I broke the lenses and tried to hurt myself."

"You didn't trust me."

"Daniel, it's just a memory and it can't hurt you. You knew we trusted you."

"I told you, that's one of them. He's right there."

"There is no one at my side, Daniel Jackson."

"Yes, there is."

"You didn't believe me."

"We didn't know, Daniel."

"Okay, let's raise the dose. 5mls at 4 hour intervals."

"God, Jack they pumped me so full of drugs, I couldn't think. Every time I called for you, the aides would hold me down and give me more. You left me there."

"I swear to god, Daniel, I tried to get you out but that ass Mackenzie wasn't having it."

I walk toward the nearest desk, searching out a chair. I can feel Jack behind me, trying to steer me in the right direction.

"I don't… ah…. I don't need anymore drugs. What I need is to get the ones you've got in my system, out of my system."

"No more drugs." I know I'm losing it at this point because even I can't tell what's a memory and what's not.

"Look at me, Daniel, please. It was a long time ago and we all did a lot of things wrong. Not you, though. No, you worked it out. They had you so full of drugs and locked away in that damn padded room and yet you still had it all over us. Teal'c lived because of you."

He's rubbing my arm gently and the sensation leaves me shivering. Touch. I can't stand touch. I'm sure I wasn't like this before. When I woke up for the first time on Vis Uban, everything hurt. Just the feel of the ground under my feet irritated me. It's getting better though, I think, but sometimes the sensation sneaks up on me and it's all I can do to stop from screaming.

"I'm not going to pretend that what we do here is all good because it's not. Over the years, we've done or gotten ourselves involved in some pretty nasty stuff and I, for one, am not proud of some of the stuff I've said to you and other people in the past." He pauses, scrubbing his hand over his face. I can see he's tired. "You've got to believe me though, buddy, that for all the bad, there was a whole heap of good. And trust me when I say that most of that good has been because of you. I would like nothing more than to give you back these memories without all the pain that goes along with them, but I can't. But I can be here with you to help you through them."

I've stopped shivering now but I'm starting to feel like I'm running a marathon and the finishing line is getting further away.

…………………………………………………………………….

He's a bit calmer now but I can tell the strain of recovering all these memories is hard on him. I've got to remember not to touch him as much. I don't think he knows that I can feel him tense up when I get too close, but damn it's hard not to. What I'd really like to do is draw him up into a big bear hug because I know I could do with one right now, but I sense that would take him over the edge.

"I died, Jack."

What? Were the hell did that come from? Talk about out of left field.

"I know, Daniel."

His elbows are on his knees and his head is resting in his hands.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, buddy."

I'm not sure he believes me.

Chapter 3 - Food for Thought

"You know, Jack, we really could have stayed a bit longer. Those scrolls were just fascinating and I really was starting to get a grasp on that slight variation of Slavic that was on the-"

"Ah ah ah!" He's got his finger raised at me. "I know, Daniel, but there's plenty of time for that later."

We've left the labs and we're making our way along yet another of the bleak corridors leading to who knows where. What is it with this place and grey? I'm told that the various colored lines on the floor will guide you to whereever you need to go. Handy that, really. Assuming you know which color represents which location.

"Later?"

"Yes, later. Haven't even shown you your old office yet."

I had an office?

"Yes, Daniel you had an office."

I know I didn't say that out loud!

"You had an office, and right now we're trying to get it back the way it was before you left."

"What's wrong with the way it is now?"

"It was being used. Temporarily. Now its not. Don't worry, it'll be ready for you soon."

"What?"

"What?"

Hmmmmm. There is definitely more to this subject but I get the feeling he's not going to take it any further.

"Where are we going?"

"Well, you know the old saying… The military marches on its stomach?"

I shake my head.

"No, I don't."

"You do now." ………………………………………………………………………..

"What'll it be, Daniel. Green or blue?"

"What exactly is that stuff?"

"Jell-O."

"What-O?"

"No, just Jell-O." Ah, come on, Oma. Some things in the universe are constant and I was sure this was one of them. The ascended don't eat Jell-O? Who would have guessed!

He's got the bowl of Jell-O in his hand, holding it up to the light. I don't believe it! Okay, so we've been having all our meals either in his room or Carter's lab for the last few days just to keep the crowds to a minimum, but I was sure I saw Jell-O in there at some point.

"What's it made from?" he asks.

How the heck do I know?

"Jell," I say.

Come on, sound convincing, O'Neill.

"And O."

He's giving me the eye. Nope, he's not buying it.

"You don't know, do you, Jack?"

"Ah no."

That earns me a smile.

"I think I'll pass. What are you having?"

"Pecan Pie with whipped cream."

"Apparently all desserts on base are in grave danger."

"I don't think I'm hungry."

…………………………………………………………..

Jack's got a tray and he's loaded it with all types of desserts including the Jell-O. As we make our way over to a table past the curious eyes of a couple of female SF's, I have to wonder, if the military marches on its stomach then maybe they should consider Jell-O as a weapon!

"Coffee, Daniel?"

"Wow, this coffee's great."

"I was just thinking that."

"Yeah, is that cinnamon?"

"It's chicory."

"Ah sure. Thanks."

"You okay?"

"For someone who just drank half a gallon of steaming hot coffee," I mutter.

Jack's throwing me a confused look.

"Well, Daniel, you did like your coffee, but never in that quantity."

"Sorry, it just came to me." I frown, willing the memory to the surface. "Something about the briefing room and lots of coffee."

"Well, that could be one of several hundred occasions. You were quite well known for inhaling the stuff."

"Oh." Well, I guess that makes sense then.

"Relax. Here, have some pie"

"Hungry."

"Try the pie."

"So I'm running a full diagnostic on the…."

"Oh yeah."

"This is the best pie I've ever had."

"Urgo."

"Who?" he asks.

"I said, Urgo."

"Ah! Now see, this is great." Jack's got a smile from ear to ear. Well, at least he's happy about something.

"Urgo was a short, mostly bald guy with a middle age spread that we, uh, met a few years back," he explains animatedly. "I believe I described him at the time as a famous tenor." He pauses, raising his eyebrows. "He enhanced some of our senses like hearing and taste. Hence the… ah… pie."

"We couldn't get rid of him," I say flatly.

"Years from now when you're thinking about me, you're gonna say, "Ohhh, how did I ever get along without that wonderful constant companion. Woof."

"Years from now?"

"Woof."

"Woof?"

"What? Ah yes, very funny, Daniel. Let's just say he was quite insistent that he couldn't be removed."

"Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me…."

"Will you stop it!"

That's annoying.

"Oh yes, insistent and annoying. Did I mention annoying?" What? I swear Jack can hear what's going on in my mind.

"Row row row your boat."

There is definitely a headache creeping up on me at the moment and I'm not sure whether its memory induced or Jack induced. Sometimes I think the two are connected.

"Okay, Jack, so on your scale of memories you wanted me to remember, where does this one rate?" Oh, sarcasm does not become me.

"No, this is one of the good ones. Yeah, fun times with Urgo."

I sigh.

"Pass the pie, Jack."

Chapter 4 - Taking the Good with the Bad

"Boring, Daniel."

"Maybe for you, Jack."

I can feel Jack giving me a mental sigh from the other side of the room. Granted, my so-called VIP suit isn't exactly big but if there's one thing I've learnt about Jack O'Neill the past few days, it's that when he's bored, you can feel it from anywhere.

"Let's go for a walk, Daniel," he says, dangling his legs off the side of the bed in mock frustration.

"We've been out 'walking' for the last few nights, Jack."

"Well, it's not like I'm taking you out on a date."

Oh, snippy tonight, are we? I try to ignore him for a bit longer but he's got the remote in his hand and hundreds of channels at his fingertips.

"Just pick a channel and go with it, Jack."

He throws me an icy stare and I get the feeling I'm suppose to bite back but I decide not to rise to the occasion.

Three days! Three days, that's all it's been, and I'm slowly starting to feel like I belong here. Memories are trickling back in and some friendships once lost are being reaffirmed. I'll admit it's been a lot easier for everyone else. They know who I am and I get a feeling of expectation around people, like I'm supposed to recognize every face and remember every 'do you remember when' or 'what about the time'.

Sometimes it feels like I've got cotton wool around my mind and there are memories trying to get out but not quite making it. It's odd that some things have come a lot quicker than others. Earlier today I remembered the name of Sam's cat she gave to Narim but not General Hammond's first name. Freya is host to Anise of the Tokra, but I can't remember who Jacob is hosting. There is no order to my memories, and no reason as to why some should be clearer than others. Hence the reason why Jack is bored, sprawled out on my bed and I'm on the other side of the room, sitting at a tiny desk overflowing with old mission reports.

The medical jury that was out a few days ago trying to decide if I was who they thought I was has decided that I am… who they thought I was. It makes sense to them and I guess that's all that matters. So with that in mind, it was decided that maybe a flip through some old mission logs was in order to help with my re-assimilation.

"Hey, Daniel, come and watch this for a bit." Obviously something has caught his attention.

"I'm busy, Jack"

"That can wait. Take a break. The hockey is on and you loooove hockey."

I do?

I turn my attention to the screen for a few moments and then turn away.

"I don't like hockey, Jack."

"You remember that?"

"No." It's a good thing he can't see the smile on my face.

"Then how do you…? Never mind I don't want to know."

…………………………………………………….

Oprah, Jerry, The OC, basketball, basketball, Star Trek, oh, the original series… To boldly go… bla bla bla . What do they know?! CNN, ESPN, NBC, hey, Wormhole Extreme in re-runs! Well, at least their Dr Levant still has all his marbles intact. Family Guy. YES! da da da di da. The Simpsons. Woo hoo!

"Jack?"

Do'h "Yes, Daniel?"

"What's this?" He holds up an A4 glossy for my inspection.

"Ah, that's a replicator bug."

"Which is?"

"Haven't you got the report in front of you?"

"Yes but…"

"But?"

"Nothing. It's nothing, Jack."

"Okay then. Crisis averted."

Da Da Da Di Da…

…………………………………………………………………..

"Can I see your scar?"

"No."

"Fraser say's it will be about a week before you get out of here."

"You know it's funny, I mean, after everything we've been through these last few years, and of all things it's my appendix that lay's me out."

"I've had my appendix out?"

"Yup."

"No scar."

"Nope. Doc noticed that. Said something about you having a virgin body."

"Virgin?"

"Her words."

"Okay."

I wonder if everything was this confusing last time around.

"Thor," I say more to myself than to Jack.

"Asgard."

"Norse God of Thunder," I fire back. Did we always converse in bullet points?

"Little grey guy. Cute butt. Sounds a lot like you."

Okay, Jack, I'll bite!

"Sounds like me?"

"A bit higher pitched, but, yeah, I always thought he sounded like you."

"And you told me this before?"

"Nope."

…………………………………………………………

Is he reading these files in order? I mean, we met Thor before we knew about the replicators. This doesn't surprise me at all. I mean the guy was notorious for his unique filing system so it stands to reason he'd just pick up any old file and start reading.

"Which mission are you reading, Daniel?"

"Ah, um, first contact with the replicators. Thor beams you up." He twirls his finger in the air. "You, Sam and Teal'c save the world again. You know the one."

"Yeah, I know the one, but why are you reading that one when there are so many missions to read before that. I know you can read quickly but that's a bit of a stretch, even for you."

"I saw the picture of the bug and it looked interesting," he says, leaning back in his chair, turning the picture sideways.

Interesting? Well, that's not something I'd use to describe replicators, but, hey…

………………………………………………….

"She's perfectly preserved."

Huh? I must be getting tired.

"She thinks it's a robot, sir."

That's not right. I flick through the pages of the report again just in case I missed something.

"It has a heartbeat?"

"It has a heart?"

Whoa! I'm confused. This is not in the report.

"My name is Reece. Where is my father?"

Okay, I'm feeling anxious all of a sudden and I don't know why. I can feel my pulse speeding up and my chest tightening.

"Jack?" I stammer, suddenly finding it difficult to speak. "Who is Reece?"

Jack's channel surfing has come to an abrupt halt as he gets off the bed and crosses the distance between us in just a few steps.

"Daniel, you should be reading these files in order, buddy." He takes the file from my hand and starts to look over the contents.

"Damn, this isn't the file."

"Who's Reece?"

"She's ah…" He pauses, obviously searching for the right words. "She's a robot we found a year or so ago. She created the replicators as toys for her own amusement."

"I don't think she meant to hurt me. I just don't think she liked what I was saying."

"I don't like most of what you say. I try to resist the urge to shove you through a wall."

"You don't like what I say?"

"Daniel?" He's looking confused now.

"I try to resist the urge to shove you through a wall." It just comes out and I can't stop it. Right now, I'm fighting that urge to throw up again. This can't be right. We're friends, aren't we?

"Daniel. Come on, buddy. Remember what I said about memories. There are good and bad, and lord knows, this is one of the bad ones." He's kneeling down in front of me now, his hands resting on the arm rests.

"You want to destroy me."

"She was trying to shut them down."

I'm scared now. I can feel myself tensing up on the inside. It's like I've done something wrong and I'm about to be told off for it.

"We couldn't know that, Daniel," he says softly.

"You didn't trust me."

"You weren't the problem, Daniel. It was Reece we couldn't trust."

"Until we successfully contact the Asgard, I am ordering you to shut the robot down."

"Well, that's not going to be pretty."

"Do what ever is necessary."

"I was getting through to her," I plead.

"She was going to destroy us."

"You don't know that."

"Danny, she was losing control."

"General, with all due respect I think it's a bad idea."

"No, you didn't trust me and you never listened to me. What did I do wrong?" I can feel myself starting to gasp like the air has been sucked from the room. The urge to flee is so strong but Jack is blocking my way and getting out means going through him.

"Please, Danny, you need to listen to me. I was an ass back then. I said some nasty stuff and I know I never deserved your respect but we got past that. Remember the good with the bad."

Why can't I remember the good?

…………………………………………………………….

I can do this. I know I can. I said I'd help him go through all this and I'm not going to leave but damn…. He's looking decidedly pale right now and I'm not sure whether he's hearing everything I say. I'd like to get him lying down but I'm too afraid to touch him at the moment.

"I promise no one will hurt you," he whimpers.

"You did your best, Daniel."

"OH GOD!" He lurches out of his chair faster than I can react, his right arm cradling his left.

The left arm that Reece broke when he tried to shut her down.

He manages to stumble his way to the bed, carefully avoiding my efforts at helping him, all the while his unfocused eyes are darting their way around the room, not really looking at anything in particular.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" The words come out as a whisper.

Well, it was a foregone conclusion that that little statement was going to come out during this conversation.

"You didn't have to shoot her."

"I'm sorry, Danny, but that's the way it had to happen. It's over now."

He's curled up on his right side on the bed and I can see that he's hurting. I try my best to get close but it's no good, he's closing himself off to me. He's stuck in a rerun of his own memories and right now I've got a starring role. I stumble to the bedside table and all but pull the phone out of the wall.

"This is O'Neill, get me Fraser."

A few moments later.

"Yes, Colonel"

"I'm with Daniel. It's not pretty, Doc."

"On my way."

Chapter 5 - Jack

2300 hrs. No, wait, almost 2330hrs and what do I find? One Dr Daniel Jackson wide awake, and in a staring contest with a nasty looking bookcase, one finger poised over the spine of a particularly weighty copy of something I'm sure I'll never understand and don't really want to ask about.

We've been back from our mission to take out Anubis's super weapon and subsequent pit stop at Kelowna for all of about 5 hours and is he resting? No!

Some things never change and somehow I find that pleasantly comforting.

"Ahem."

Nope, no reaction there.

"They've run out of coffee in the commissary!"

Still nothing, and that line used to work so well in the past.

"DANIEL!" He jumps slightly and turns, affording me a look of surprise.

"Oh, um… hey, Jack."

"Hey, Jack? It's late, Daniel. What are you doing?"

"Um… Oh. Well, Sgt Siler dropped off all these boxes a few hours ago and I thought I'd make a start on unpacking them."

I didn't notice it when I first stepped into his office but yeah, the place is rather cluttered at the moment. Several large packing crates have been lined against one wall in various stages of being unpacked. Styrofoam balls and scrunched up paper are strewn all over the floor and work surfaces.

"And this can't wait till morning why?"

He's turned his attention away from the bookcase now and onto one of the packing crates.

"Oh, I guess I just lost track of the time…" He pauses, taking a carefully wrapped package from the crate and setting it down on his desk. "Jack?"

"Hmmm?"

"I thought you said you tossed a lot of stuff out?"

"I… er…. Well, yes, I did… sorta."

His head is pointed slightly downward and he's staring out at me over the rim of his glasses. I swear he can read me like one of his damn books.

"Sorta?" he asks.

I know I'm going to need to sit for this, so I pull out a stool from under the desk and contemplate how best to explain this to him without it sounding cheesy.

"When you left…." I pause. Make or break time, O'Neill, what's it going to be?

"When you left, we, um… you know Teal'c, Carter and me, hell, even the Doc and Hammond… We didn't do so well. Actually, I can't say anyone here did really. We've lost people in the past, Daniel, but, oh hell!" I suddenly find myself standing and pacing the room, kicking paper and Styrofoam balls in my path. I can feel Daniel pulling me up as I pace, placing a firm hand on my arm.

"It's okay, Jack, you don't have to do this." His voice is so calm.

"Dammit, Daniel, I do. I was a total bastard. To everyone. Carter she was-It was killing her, Daniel. You know she sat right here in this office on your chair.' I point at the offending chair in question. "For days, Daniel. Holding onto your glasses. Reading your mission journals… anything to keep you close. She was falling apart right in front of my eyes and what do I do? I yell at her. Yup, me, Colonel Bad Ass. I yell at her, telling her you're gone, ain't nothing bringing you back. Get over it, we've got work to do." I sigh heavily, the memory of Sam's anguish threatening to bring my barriers crashing down. "Teal'c, he, well, you know Teal'c. He was very quiet. Refused to leave her side." I laugh "Only time he's ever threatened me over my behavior and I've been left feeling sure he was going to follow through."

"They forgave you."

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure about that one to be honest. Oh, we worked together, all of us, and yes, we got back out in the field right away. No choice really. The Asgard were knocking at the Iris again demanding our help. Osiris raised his ugly head and once more it's Earth to the rescue."

I've somehow found my way back to the stool and Daniel has pulled up a chair next to me, his hand never leaving my arm.

"And you Jack?" Oh, let's not even go there, Danny. I'm not sure there's enough space in this room to contain all my feelings.

"Me?" I rub my hands over my face, suddenly realizing how tired I truly am. "Me, well, as soon as we'd taken care of the Asgard's little problem, I took a really expensive bottle of malt scotch back to your apartment, locked the door… and started packing up your life."

"Alone?"

"Oh yeah, well, except for all the furniture and big items I needed help for, but yeah, alone. I didn't want anyone else touching your stuff. They, um … they wouldn't care for it the way you would have. No, it had to be me."

He smiles at me now, his hand moving to my shoulder and patting me affectionately.

"You did a good job, Jack. But you didn't really throw anything out, did you?"

Ah, way too clever is our boy.

"No. Couldn't do it, and now Carter and my garages are paying the toll."

"Well, then…" He lets go of my shoulder and straightens himself up. "I guess it's my turn to pay!"

"For what?"

"For however many bottles of good scotch it will take to unpack it all."

Why do I feel like he's just let me off the emotion hook? Yup, way too clever.

…………………………………………………………………

It's really only dawning on me now what sort of emotional cost my death and subsequent return is having on the people that mean the most to me. I feel comfortable saying that to myself now. I know I don't have anywhere near all of my memories back, and to be honest, I don't think they'll ever totally return, but there is enough there for me to know what these people were to me.

Jack is sitting across from me at the moment in my slightly devastated office, looking totally worn out but mildly content. I think his little emotional carthesis did him good. I'm not silly though, and I know that a year is not enough time to get over the death of a friend or loved one.

The emotions that I saw surfacing in Jack tell me that he's happy I'm back but still mourning my loss and I don't know how to help him. There was a time that I believed death was final, but then working in this place seems to have shattered a lot of my beliefs.

I turn the desk light off and gently shoulder Jack as I walk past on my way out the door.

"Coffee?" I ask.

"Do you think there's any pie left?"

"There's always pie, Jack."

The unpacking can wait till morning.

Chapter 6 - Forgive Me If I Slip Away

And I never want to let you down Forgive me if I slip away When all that I've known is lost and found I promise you I'll, I'll come back to you one day

- Josh Groban February Song

"Morning Campers!!"

I look around, quickly reassuring myself that I am alone.

"Morning Jack… you do know there's no one with me, right?"

"Ah… yes"

"Campers?" I raise my eyebrows at him, hoping he'll understand.

"Oy! I was too lazy to leave off the 'S'. It happens."

Oh yes, way too peppy for this hour of the morning.

"Where ya headed?" he asks, falling easily into step beside me.

"Infirmary. Janet wants to see me. Something about my allergies."

"So you're going to see Janet with coffee in your hand. You did actually include breakfast with that coffee, didn't you? I mean, we wouldn't want you slipping back into your old bad habits now."

"Sure." Did that sound convincing?

"Liar."

Nope, obviously not.

"So. Mind if I tag along?"

"Got nothing better to do, Jack?"

"Oh yes, I've got plenty to do. Just don't want to do it."

I nod my head in response and marvel at the fact that three weeks on and I still haven't quite gotten used to Jack's unique brand of work ethic. If he can possibly get away without doing something then he will, all excuses accepted. I'm sure he's outsourcing his mission reports because I have yet to see him write a single one. Actually I'm yet to see this office he keeps talking about.

The infirmary doors are straight ahead and I dump my coffee cup on a nearby cart in the hope that no one will notice it. Jack holds the door open for me and we're immediately assaulted by the smells of a sterile environment.

"Ah, home sweet home!" he announces.

"This is not your home, Colonel" says Janet, replacing a chart on one of the beds before moving over to greet us.

"Really? It feels that way sometimes," he throws back at her, which she totally ignores, turning her attention towards me.

"Morning, Daniel."

"Hey, Janet."

"Couldn't keep your guard dog at home today?"

"Hey Doc!" Jack quips back, standing there open mouthed.

"Sorry, Janet, he needed walking."

Jack's pouting now and I don't have to look at him to know he's doing it.

"Well, this won't take long but as you can see we're pretty full." She waves towards the row of occupied bends. "Seems SG12 is getting almost as big a reputation for off world injuries as SG1. Let's head down to one of the empty med labs."

I follow as Janet takes the lead. Since I've been back, I haven't really been in the infirmary at all. Oh sure, the day I arrived I spent hours being poked and prodded by Janet and her staff, and there were the pre and post exams from our mission to Vis Uban to destroy the super weapon, but other than that I'd managed to avoid the place. Janet's little comment about SG12 leads me to believe that this is not the norm for our team.

We leave the main infirmary and head down a narrow corridor spaced with storage areas and bathrooms and lit with rows of small lights. This place feels vaguely familiar, which doesn't surprise me really as it's painted in the same grey/green paint as every other corridor in the mountain. Still I'm comforted by the fact that Jack is only a few paces behind me.

"Don't touch me!"

I stop mid-stride looking quickly around to see who is speaking. Unfortunately, my pause has caused Jack to run straight into my back.

"Hey, you okay there?"

"Ah yeah, just thought I heard something." I see Jack look around as well, slightly puzzled.

"No one but us."

I shake my head slightly. "It's nothing," and set off again after Janet.

"Don't touch me."

"He may still be radioactive."

I try to keep myself moving forward but I can feel a memory prickling the back of my mind, and as much as I try to push it away, it seems content to make itself known. I must let out a groan because I suddenly find Jack standing in front of me with his hands on my arms.

"Danny, you with me, buddy?"

"Yeah." But I don't think he's buying it.

"Janet's just up ahead waiting for us." I can feel him pushing me forward and I'm helpless to stop the action. Forward is good though, anything to get out of this hallway.

"Here we are, gentlemen."

We finally reach the end of the corridor and pass through a double set of doors into a large room filled with a bed and medical equipment.

"The nausea will be followed by tremors, convulsions, and something called ataxia."

I feel cold all of a sudden. Any warmth that my body had is leaching out through my feet. The memory that had been shadowing me on the walk here is demanding my attention and I really don't want to give it any.

"Daniel?"

That's Jack

"Daniel, you don't look too well. Is something wrong?"

And Janet.

"Now based on the dose of radiation I got, all that will happen in the next ten to fifteen hours…"

"Oh God!" I can feel myself stagger backwards, hand searching out for the wall as I begin an uncoordinated slide towards the floor. Arms are pulling at me but I don't know who they belong to, and I can hear voices at the edge of my hearing but they're just out of range.

"If they really want to blame me, denying it isn't going to change anything."

Did I do something wrong?

"They're going to build that bomb and nothing we say is going to stop them."

I manage to crack an eye open and notice that I've finally arrived at the end of my downward slide and somehow I've managed to land on my left side with my head on Jack's lap. Sorry, Jack, didn't realize I'd brought you along for the ride. A hand on my wrist tells me that Janet is trying to take my pulse and I'm too tired to pull away.

"He's seizing! Get the crash cart, give me 5 of valium."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"J'k?" Oh, that didn't sound right.

"Daniel, just hold on we're going to get some help."

"S'okay, tell Sam its okay. She tr'd." Nope, neither did that.

"No, Daniel, you tell her. Janet!" He's yelling now. I can hear Janet's heels clicking against the hard floor as she hurries towards us. She's carrying something but I can't quite make out what.

"Okay, Daniel, you're going to feel a slight sting, it's just a sedative to help calm you down."

"NO. NO, not dying." I feel the sting on my arm and Jack's voice as I tumble headlong into the abyss my mind has made for me.

"Oh crap."

………………………………………………………………..

"You okay, Colonel?"

I look down at the head cradled in my lap and the still trembling body attached to it.

"No, not really."

"We knew this would happen eventually. Better here in a controlled environment that somewhere else."

"Yeah." She pats me on the shoulder and then rises, heading towards the phone on the far wall.

"Yes, this is Dr Fraiser. I need a medical team and a gurney to Med Lab One right away."

"Won't be long now, Danny. We'll have you nice and comfortable." I pat his head lightly and notice that the trembling has stopped but there is some slight eye movement under his eyelids.

"I'm sorry. No one should have to remember this," I tell him quietly.

Janet is back on the floor with us now, her deft hands wrapping a blood pressure cuff around Daniel's right arm. In the distance I can just make out the sounds of the approaching medical staff as they wheel a gurney down the outside corridor.

"We can't have him waking up in the infirmary." Janet mutters, shaking her head as she read off the blood pressure numbers.

"What?"

"Sir, I said we can't have him waking up in the infirmary. It would just reinforce his belief that he's dying. I suggest we take him back to his room so he can wake up in more familiar surroundings."

She's probably right but I have to wonder at this point if it's going to make a difference where he wakes up. The nightmare is just going to carry on to its logical conclusion. Oma, if you're watching this, I hope your damn happy! What sick, twisted mind would do this to someone? I suppose she expects me to be grateful we have him back at all.

The sound of doors opening behind me signals the arrival of the medical team and with well rehearsed precision, they have him up and situated on the gurney and covered with a warm blanket. As I get up from my position of the floor, it occurs to me that sadly this is one of those days where I'd rather be facing down a patrol of angry Jaffa than one lone archaeologist. I guess not everything goes the way we'd hope.

……………………………………………………………….

The lights to Daniel's VIP quarters have been turned off, and the room is lit by a single corner lamp only, throwing odd shadows across the walls. I watch quietly from my position at his desk in the far corner as Janet and one of her nurses fuss with IV's and other monitoring equipment, trying to make Daniel as comfortable as possible.

I wonder glumly if it's all in vain. I mean, the moment he wakes up this is all going to start again. How can it not! They were the longest fifteen hours of my life and we all spent it watching his life fade away. The only good thing I see from all of this at the moment is the fact that Carter and Teal'c are off world with SG7. They're caught up in some 'of the utmost importance' mineral survey and several days from the gate at best speed. They've gone through this once. Better it's just Daniel and me this time.

"Okay, sir. When Daniel wakes up from the initial sedation I gave him, he will be at what we call level 3, which means he will be able to respond to anyone talking to him but his body won't experience the stress it was under before." Janet looked over at Daniel and smiled sadly. "At least that's what we're hoping for. I'd prefer not to have him hooked up to anything that might give him the impression that he's still dying but we can't have him suffering like that again."

"Thanks, Doc."

"We'll be monitoring his vitals from the infirmary so we'll know if there's a problem and myself or Josh here will be in to check on you every few hours. If you need anything, just call, okay?"

"Okay." I rise, moving over to the chair at the side of his bed.

'We'll, ah, I'll leave you two alone then." She squeezes my shoulder on the way past. "Just call if you need me."

"Thanks, Janet."

I follow Janet and the nurse to the door, closing it securely as they leave. Once again it's just him and me, and it's not lost on me that this is the way it's been from the start. One comforting the other, waiting for the other to wake up, just being there in times of hurt or distress. The only difference this time is I was sure this was an opportunity I would never have again.

…………………………………………………………..

"Your fate is in your hands."

I know you.

"Oma?" I croak.

"Daniel? You awake there?"

"Nnnggg." Oh, that sounds good.

"Not quite, huh?"

A gentle touch on my arm. A familiar voice.

"J'k."

"I'm here."

"Kay?"

"I'm fine, Daniel"

"No. Doctor Jackson!"

Glass everywhere. Face hurts, arms hurt, I can't see. Jack?!

"Why do you care?"

"Because, despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last 5 years, I may have, might have, grown to admire you a little. I think."

Hot. Hands feel heavy. Why am I so tired?

"Admir'd me."

I can feel a hand rubbing my shoulder, but my eyelids are so heavy and I can't get them open to see who it belongs to.

"Yeah, buddy, not my finest moment."

"You stayed."

"It was all I could do."

"N't long now."

"Your not dying, Daniel… you just need to remember."

The soothing hand has moved from my shoulder into long sweeping lines up and down my arm.

"You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things…it changed me too. I see what really matters. God, I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew."

Don't cry, Sam. I knew. I always knew.

"Sam?"

"She'll be here soon, Daniel."

"You cannot reach enlightenment if you do not believe you are worthy."

"Then I guess we may have a problem."

"Not w'thy."

"You were better than them," Jack whispers.

"Hurts, J'k." My skin is on fire and there's nothing to ease the pain.

"I know buddy… it'll be better soon."

I finally manage to open my eyes just a fraction, and despite being surrounded by darkness, I can just make out a face wavering in front of me.

"That you, J'k?"

"It's me."

"Tired."

"Go to sleep, Daniel, I'll take your watch."

……………………………………………………………………

He's asleep now, which doesn't surprise me. I don't exactly know what's being going on in that head of his because it's a one sided conversation, but from the bits I've heard, it's not been pleasant. I release his hand, place it carefully on the bed, and get up to stretch my legs in an attempt to soothe the cramp that's settled in from sitting for so long.

A soft knock on the door announces Janet's arrival. Has it been two hours already?

"Here, Colonel. I've bought some dinner for you." She has her arms full with a meal tray and two IV Bags. Bless her! After putting the tray on the desk, she goes to Daniel's side.

"I think he was in pain for a while there, Doc. At least it looked that way."

She's smoothing the hair away from his forehead.

"Yes, I noticed it on the monitor in the infirmary. He settled quickly so there was no need to do anything." She has her hand on his cheek. "Has he said anything to you?"

"Yeah, it's a bit hard to follow at times, but he's definitely remembering what happened. He's worried about Carter for some reason."

"Could be over the healing device. She was really upset." Janet's changing out his IV now and making notes in his chart. I nod in agreement whilst silently savoring the hot coffee she's provided me with.

"The General has asked me to tell you that Sam and Teal'c are heading back to the gate now and he expects them back home late tomorrow."

"They're probably double timing it," I say with a smile, knowing full well that late tomorrow probably means lunchtime for them. I've made my way back to my chair and sit back down at his side.

"Do you want me to stay with Daniel for a while so you can take a break?"

"No, I've got it, Doc but thanks."

"Okay, you know where I am."

With one final look at Daniel, she leaves us in peace.

………………………………………………………

"If you are to die, Daniel Jackson, I wish you to know that I believe that the fight against the Gould will have lost one of its greatest warriors and I will have lost one of my greatest friends."

"Teal'c?"

"He's with Sam, Daniel. They'll be here soon."

"Hmm. Th't he was here."

I turn slightly towards Jack's calming voice and feel something tugging on my arm.

"Just me. Hold still, Daniel"

A warm hand on my arm and suddenly the tugging sensation vanishes. Where am I?

"Wanna wake up."

"You will."

"I'm ready to go with you."

"Then stop them."

I know I'm crying now. I can feel the tears cooling my hot skin and it's strangely refreshing.

"Jac'b, stop."

"He did."

"I can do more…"

"You did, Daniel."

Jack!!

"I have to go now. Everything is going to be fine."

……………………………………………………………….

"I have… have to go."

He's crying now but I know it's not from any physical pain. I'm sure from what I've seen he never truly wanted to leave us but saw it as his only option. There is no small part of me that feels responsible for the decision he was left with. All the harsh words and ill-tempered remarks over that last year left me with no doubt what-so-ever that I pushed him away and just added to him choosing to leave with Oma.

"I'll be here, Daniel." And I will be because despite everything, it was me he turned to when he had to leave. I didn't want to lose him then and I said nothing to make him stay. It's going to be different this time round.

"OMA!"

I'm out of my chair faster than my mind can think as his body starts to shake violently.

"Daniel!" He's lying on his left side with his head turned partially into the pillow and I can see he's gasping for air. His whole body is stiff and I wonder if he's not having some type of seizure. I'm virtually sitting on top of him at this point as Fraiser and two of her nurses come charging through the door.

"Hang on, Colonel! Josh, grab his legs," I hear her yell. She's pushing something into his IV line, and within a matter of moments I can feel his body go slack underneath my hands.

"It's okay, sir, you can let go now."

I slump back into my chair as the nurses rearrange him into a more comfortable position and Janet sorts out his medication.

"Do you know what bought that on, sir?" she asks.

I don't really know what to say so I say the only thing that really sums it all up.

"He just died."

………………………………………………………………..

There are some days I just know I don't get paid enough for this job. I look at the Colonel now slumped in a chair, asleep in the corner, looking twice the age he is, and then there's Daniel who's been so heavily sedated that it wouldn't matter if all his memories came flooding back at this moment because he wouldn't know it. I'd be surprised if he didn't come out of this experience with some psychological damage but then Daniel's beaten the odds on so many occasions I wouldn't like to place a bet on it.

For two men who are so very obviously chalk and cheese, they do a great impersonation of hand-in-glove, and it's no surprise to me that despite the horrible last year they had before Daniel left, it's the Colonel that's weathering this storm with him.

I look down at Daniel, so peaceful in sleep, and I know it can't last. We've already started to withdraw the sedative and it will take some time before it's out of his system completely.

A light touch on my shoulder breaks my train of thought.

"Hey, Doc."

"Colonel… I thought you were asleep?"

"Nah, just resting the old eyes. How's he doing?"

"He's peaceful at the moment. I've started lowering the sedative so we should start seeing him wake up soon." I rise from my seat at Daniel bedside, knowing the Colonel will want to resume his wait.

"Do you think it's over, Doc?"

I shake my head slowly and I know he understands.

"No. No-one can remember a lifetime's worth of memories in such a short space of time."

He's taken Daniel's hand in his own and is running his thumb over the skin just below the IV site.

"He hasn't exactly had a great life."

"No. But he's got a great family."

"Yeah. He does."

I take that as my cue to leave these two alone and quietly retreat out of the room. He couldn't be in safer hands.

Chapter 7 - A Simple Day

Blankets on. Blanket's off, Blankets on. Blankets off.

"Will you make up your mind!"

Hey. That's Jack!

"J'k?"

Huh, he say's I'm a linguist and I can't even master English.

"Right here."

I can feel the blanket being pulled up over my shoulders, and whilst I'm thankful for the warmth it gives me, I know it won't be long till I have to shrug it off again. A cool hand to my forehead tells me he's checking for fever but I'm pretty sure I'm not ill.

"Not sick," I mumble.

"Just checking. You've been wrestling with that blanket for over an hour and I wanted to make sure."

"W… mm… I… n… bed?" Ooh, that'll test his Daniel speak.

"Why are you in bed?"

He's good.

"Don't you remember?" I shake my head and attempt to push the blanket down past my hips but it doesn't work as Jack immediately pulls it straight back up. Oh, blanket wrestling! I get it! Cute, Jack!

"Well, Daniel, one of your not so memorable memories decided to make an appearance and the Doc and I thought it would be best if it played out without an audience."

"Oh." Whilst I'm grateful for their intervention, a little more detail would be good.

"Oh?"

"Which one?" Hey, my tongue is working again!

"Remember my list of memories I wished you didn't have to revisit?"

I nod 'yes'.

"Okay… well… think number one on that list."

"Number…" Oh God! Faster than I can comprehend what he's saying, my internal television set has been turned on and I'm getting an all in one re-run. Jack must have sensed my distress as he has one hand wrapped around my left wrist and another rubbing my right shoulder in soothing circles. I open my eyes just a fraction, grateful that the lights appear to be dimmed, and search for Jack. Yup, just as I expected. Right in front of me.

"It's just a memory, Daniel, and it can't hurt you."

Oh, I don't know about that, Jack. Watching a person die horribly gets a little bit more personal when you're on the receiving end.

"I'm okay," I stammer, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"You don't sound okay."

"I want to sit up," I say, turning on to my back.

"Okay, but let me help." He eases his arms under my armpits pulling me up and forward. The room does a little loop and I find myself resting against his shoulder as he props pillows behind my back.

"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks." My little adventure into the upright position as brought to my attention the IV and monitor that I seem to be attached to and I'm guessing there was a lot more to Jack and Janet's intervention than I was told.

"What's all this for, Jack?"

Jack's suddenly gone mute and seems to have discovered the tactile feeling of IV fluids which brings another interesting memory to mind but I push it away for now.

"It wasn't pleasant, Daniel." He pauses, hooking the IV bag back on the stand. "Janet felt it best to sedate you while your mind did its total recall thing."

"Kindest thing to do?"

"Yeah." He sighs.

………………………………………………………………..

"Breakfast, Daniel," I say as I kick the door to the VIP suite closed. The two meal trays I'm carrying are in danger of redecorating the floor and I swear I've suffered second degree burns on my chest from the over full coffee cup.

"Coming!" he yells from the small ensuite bathroom and I'm pleased his sense of timing has improved this time round as the door swings open just as the first meal tray is taking a not so elegant downward dive. In two strides he's rescued the errant tray and its contents and sat it on the small desk.

"You know, if you'd waited we could have gone to the commissary."

"Yeah, and you obviously don't remember Janet's monthly physicals." Uh huh! He's giving me that odd 'oh I should know this look' and I can feel myself grinning like an idiot at his lack of comprehension.

"You've still got sedatives in your system, Daniel, and she doesn't want you wandering around just yet." Come on, Danny, I know it's in there. Just think Janet, cold hands, big honkin'…

"Needles?" Yes! He shoots! He scores!

"Bigger than my butt wants to bear witness to and yours for that matter. Now put a shirt on before you freeze."

We eat breakfast in relative silence, which is a blessing considering the events of the last few days. He's still a little unsteady on his feet at times but Janet assures me it's just the residual effects of the sedative.

"Sam and Teal'c?"

"What? Oh, we made contact with them early this morning and they were making good time. Should be back before lunch." What he really doesn't know is they're due back anytime now. Carter managed to sweet talk some of the natives into a ride back to the gate on the local equivalent of a horse thus shaving hours off the trip.

"They didn't cut this trip short for my sake, did they?"

"Yup." Not going to lie about it.

"What? Why?"

"Daniel, they didn't want to go in the first place. SG7 needed Carter's help with some mineral survey that just couldn't wait and Teal'c went to back her up. Friendly natives, no Goa'uld, just lots of minerals."

I watch Daniel picking at the crust of the toast on his plate and I just know he's got some guilt trip happening. Some things change and yet others stay the same.

"Daniel, you're going to have to be patient with us." I sigh and suck in a deep breath. "As horrible your death was for you, and trust me on this, buddy, I can't even comprehend what that would be like to go through and then have to remember, it wasn't nice for us either. There was nothing we could do, nothing. We sat on our collective asses and watch you just… slip away. It wasn't pretty, Daniel, oh, no way. It was painful and drawn out and you…." I sit back in my chair wrapping my arms around myself in a fashion so similar to what we used to see Daniel do that it chills me." You just… you handled it better than the rest of us, Daniel. Composed, even in your dying breath. We were all there at the end. Me, Sam, Teal'c, Hammond, Janet, hell, even Jacob who tried his hardest to heal you. It tore Janet apart. She's a healer and when you asked me to make Jacob stop and the monitor flat lined, she panicked."

I push the chair back and rise to my feet. Daniel's watching my every move and I suddenly feel very naked. "This is a second chance and lord knows, no-one gets second chances like this. Be patient with us, Daniel. We're feeling clingy, we need to touch you sometimes just to know you're alive, we need to know you're not just going to up and vanish on us again. We need you."

I must have had my eyes closed this entire time because I suddenly feel one very real and very warm set of arms wrap around my shoulders in the bear hug that I so desperately wanted but was too afraid to give. It's no surprise at this moment either that tears I had wanted to shed a little over a year ago have finally found their release. Tears of mourning mixed with tears of joy.

"I'm home now," I hear him say as his hand pulls my face into his shoulder.

"Spacemonkey."

……………………………………………………………………………….

The End