If…

BY: Antonella

FEEDBACK TO: antonella_stelitano@virgilio.it

I’m here, into the dark

Between the friendly wall of my house

Still, on the balcony’s threshold

My eyes lost in the vault of heaven that tower above me,

This moment’s peace

Isn’t enough to quiet the anguish in my heart.

My guide is in safety

In his bed, asleep

Perhaps he is dreaming

I pray God that the nightmare of what’s happened today

Not come back to hound him in his sleep

Too close

Once more, I has been by a hair’s breadth

From to lose my best friend

But to will to God or the destiny, I wonder

Blair is still here with me

But in the silence of this night

Grounded by the my partner’s soft heartbeat

I cannot to help to thinks about the "ifs"…

And make it, it means drive my mind

To a reality that I was searching desperately for to ignore

A reality in which Blair isn’t more in my life

Where I cannot more see his infectious smile

To hear his thrilled voice in the impetuosity of a story

To follow his tireless hands in the accompany his words

To mirror myself in his sparkling and intelligent eyes

Blair is allright, I repeat to myself

He is in the safety in our home

This our partnership

Our friendship

Has overcome much obstacles long the way

Principally on account of my work

But together we have surmount any sorts of difficulty

Together

This the key word in our commitment

Because the truth is

That without him, I’m lost

Lost in my sense, in my solitude

With this burden in my heart

While now I looks at my little guppy’s face

Relaxed in the sleep

I look for to chase away this darken thoughts

Though, in my heart I know, too,

That to lose Blair and stay alone

Is a fear that I will stand always with me.

February 1, 2002