A Cloned Nightmare

The Misadventures of Dex… erm… Dil… Danny

By Lyn and Annie

EMAIL: Lyn, Annie

Part One

By Lyn

"So, he's me?" Daniel gaped in shock at the little blond-haired boy who stood, clutching Jack's hand… and eyeing Daniel with more than a little unease… or was that venom Daniel saw in the too familiar blue-eyed gaze.

Jack shrugged and ruffled the boy's collar-length blond locks. "Thor wanted to give us a gift. He was a little embarrassed after the Jack O'Neill blew up. Mind you," he added, stepping forward and giving Daniel a big smile, "he did insist that we name him after you."

"No!" Daniel took a step a back, hands coming up as though to ward off an intruder.

"No? Come on, he's the spitting image of you."

"Looks nothing like me… Does he, Sam? Teal'c?"

"I have to admit there seems to be more than a passing resemblance to you, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, stroking a hand over the child's rosy cheek then yelping in a most un-Jaffa-like way as the boy's tiny teeth clamped down on his pinky.

"Hey!" Jack forcibly prised the kid's mouth open and extricated Teal'c's abused finger. "Sorry about that, T. Guess he's a little wary of strangers."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "If he is a clone of Daniel Jackson, I am not a stranger."

Jack stared at him for a moment then nodded slowly. "Right, gotcha." He knelt down and rested his hands on the child's shoulders. "Danny, why did you bite Teal'c? He's our friend."

Danny scowled at him. "I don't like him because…" He gave a hiccupping sob and fell into Jack's arms. "Because he doesn't like me. I can tell!"

"Oh, `course he does." Jack patted Danny's back and looked up at Teal'c. "Don't'cha, big guy… like little Danny here?"

Teal'c shrugged.

"Carter? You like Danny, don't you?" Jack asked with a hopeful look at his 2IC.

Carter smiled though it looked far from convincing. "Yes, sir. You betcha." She took a step forward and held out her hand then hastily shoved it behind her back. "Hey there, Danny."

Danny stuck his tongue out at her.

"Now, that isn't nice," Jack chastised. He looked up at Daniel. "He's your clone, do something."

"He didn't get given to me," Daniel protested. "It's not like I asked for him!"

Jack held his hands over Danny's ears. "Ya mind? Let's make the kid feel like he's not wanted!"

"Jack?" Danny pulled Jack's hands from his ears, a tear dribbling down one cheek. "Don't you want me?"

Jack grinned but Daniel thought it looked a tad forced. "Are you kidding? Of course we do!" He raised a hopeful face to his friends. "Don't we, guys?"

"Indeed," came from Teal'c.

"Sure," Sam said at exactly the same time.


"I'm reserving judgment."

Jack stood. "Danny, stay here with Teal'c and Carter for just a minute, okay?" He led the child over to Carter who took a step back and turned Danny toward Teal'c. "Sorry, gotta go. I have an experiment cooking in the lab."

"I should kel-no-reem," Teal'c said.

"Oh, for pete's sake," Jack said, sounding exasperated. "It's just for a minute, T. Think of Ry'ac."

Teal'c looked positively animated at that. "I can punish him then, if he misbehaves?"

"That would be a no," Jack replied. He ruffled Danny's hair once more and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "I'll be right back, Danny. Be good for Teal'c."

Danny scowled at Teal'c then shot Daniel a glare that should have dropped him dead in his tracks. "If I havta." He gave Jack a sweet smile, full of innocence. "You're coming back for me, right?"

"You bet I am." Jack grinned at him. "Might have to stop by the store for some groceries… and toys though."

"All right!" Danny gave Jack a high five and shot Daniel a malevolent and slightly menacing smile.


"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Jack asked. "Send him back and ask for a refund?"

"No!" Daniel steeled himself against the hopeful look in Jack's eyes. "But we didn't ask for him. Tell Thor it's a kind gesture but no, thanks."

"No, thanks?" Jack gaped at him. "After everything I went through being cloned, after Reece, I thought you'd welcome the little guy with open arms. Besides…" Jack drew closer and kissed Daniel gently, "what's not to love when he's just a small version of you."

"I don't think he likes me," Daniel said. "Besides," he added as a thought struck him, "look what happened with Reece."

"She was a robot."

"Well, look what happened with your clone."

Jack waved the words away as though they were dust. "The kid turned out okay, right? Come on, Daniel, I can't send him back. He's a little you."

Daniel sighed. "Oh god, okay. I just know I'm gonna regret this… Yes, Jack, you can keep him."

"He's gonna grow to love you as much as I do, you know that, right?" Jack said, giving Daniel a kiss on his cheek.

"Sure, right." Daniel kissed Jack back. If he doesn't kill me first. "Can't we at least give him a different name?"

"Like what?" Jack asked.

Daniel shrugged. "I dunno. Dexter… Dilbert… Anything but Danny."

Three Months later:

Daniel stoked the fire, sighing in pleasure as the embers brightened, suffusing him with warmth. He walked over to the couch and settled himself, leaving enough room for Jack to sit beside him, took a sip of his wine and grabbed the remote control. The movie he and Jack wanted to watch was due to start in five minutes, but Jack was still out in the kitchen, putting the final touches to the cheese and dip platter.

He could hear Jack talking to Dexter… Dilbert… Daniel thought a moment. Danny, that was it. Stupid name for a little kid. Stupid he should forget it, after all. He heard Danny's voice rising.

"But I want popcorn, Jack, and you said if I was very good, I could have popcorn, and I have! I've been really good all day at kindergarten. I said sorry to Susie for pulling her hair and I won't ever look up Miss Anderson's skirt again and -"

"Okay!" Daniel tensed and couldn't help smiling a little as he waited for the inevitable O'Neill explosion. "Popcorn, it is, little buddy. You want butter?" Daniel's smile faltered.

"And salt," Danny chirruped.

"Butter and salt, you got it."

Daniel stood and walked up the steps into the kitchen. Dexter… Danny was kneeling on a chair, pouring popcorn kernels into a microwave bowl. Jack had his head inside the refrigerator. The cheeses and dips were nowhere in sight. "Movie's about to start," he said casually. He smiled at Dil - Danny, the effort making his cheeks ache. "And isn't it time for you to be in bed, D - Dan - nie?"

Danny frowned at him. "Danny," he responded sullenly. "It's your name too. Can't you remember it by now? Besides, Jack said I could stay up late if I was good, and I have been. I've been good all day!"

"Jack?" Daniel spoke the name a little more forcefully than necessary. "I don't think the movie's suitable for a five year old."

"I'm gonna be six soon," Danny said, placing his tiny fists on his hips and glaring at Daniel. "Aren't I, Jack?"

Jack closed the refrigerator door and chuckled. Daniel gaped. He'd never heard Jack chuckle before. He just… well, didn't. Reaching out, Jack fondled Dil… Danny's long blond locks and then lifted the boy into his arms, holding him on his hip while he transferred the popcorn to the microwave. "Yeah, buddy, you're gonna be six soon." He looked at Daniel then, finally. "I did promise he could stay up if he was a good boy today -"

"And I have been," Danny interrupted, "I've been good all day -"

"Yeah, yeah." Daniel cut off the kid's inane rambling with a wave of his hand, earning a glare from Jack. "What about the movie? I just opened the bottle of wine…" He gave Jack a suggestive wink, but Jack didn't see it. The microwave dinged and he turned to grab the popcorn from within. "Record it," he said without turning around. "Use that new-fangled, whizzbang DVD recorder my little genius here convinced me to buy."

Dex… Danny gave Jack a beaming smile then shot Daniel a withering glare over Jack's shoulder. Suddenly, a huge crocodile tear brimmed in one of Danny's eyes, overflowing to dribble down his cheek and drip onto the floor, almost setting up a tidal wave in its wake. "I wanna watch The Wiggles DVD," he cried, wrapping his arms around Jack's neck and sobbing as though his heart would break. "You said if I was good, and I have been. I've been good all -"

"You've already watched it like twelve times," Daniel said in exasperation.

"Thirteen," Danny hiccupped and stuck his tongue out at Daniel.

"Okay, okay," Jack soothed and Daniel stuck his own tongue out quickly before Jack turned around. "The Wiggles, it is." He rocked Dil… Danny gently and gave Daniel a wry grin, shrugging. "We can rent it when it comes out on DVD."

"Fine." Daniel did a rapid about-face, not wanting to see the triumphant grin on the little bast - whatsisname's face. He marched into the living room and shoved The Wiggles disk, none too gently into the DVD player then settled himself back on the sofa. He waited until Jack deposited Danny on the floor, ruffled his hair again, chucked his rosy cheek, handed him the popcorn bowl… "I saved you a seat," Daniel said seductively, patting the seat beside him as the strains of `Wake up, Jeff', shattered his eardrums.

"I wanna sit with you, Jack," Dex… Danny screamed over the music. "You said if I was good, and I have been. I've been good all day…"

Part Two - Daniel's Revenge

By Annie


"Hey," Daniel said, walking up to the boy sitting on Jack's front doorstep. 'What the heck was his name again?' "How ya doing, Davey?"

The kid tilted his head back and glared at Daniel through his glasses. "It's Danny," he muttered.

"Right, Danny. So… whatchya doin' sitting out here by yourself. You and Jack have an argument?" Daniel asked, trying to keep the hopefulness out of his tone.

"Jack and I never argue," Danny replied, wrinkling his button nose. "Jack says I'm the smartest kid he's ever known, and the nicest, and the cutest and the-"

Daniel just barely restrained himself from slapping his hand over the kid's motormouth. "I get the picture," he said dryly, instead. "So how come you're out here on your own?" he asked , taking a seat next to the boy.

"I'm just waiting for Jack. We're going fishing up at his cabin. Jack loves fishing. He said you don't though. He said he always had to go by himself before I came along. He sounded really sad when he said that," Danny replied.

"Well, that's not exactly true," Daniel interrupted. "Okay," he replied to Danny's challenging look, "I don't like fishing but I used to go to Jack's cabin with him a lot." 'Just not to fish,' he remembered silently. 'We had a lot more fun than fishing. Like skinnydipping, and playing strip Jack naked and wrestle him onto the bed and fu-' He glanced down at the kid,hoping he couldn't read minds along with all his other gifts that Jack had told them about ad nauseam over the past few months. "How long's Jack going to be?" he asked.

Danny shrugged. "I dunno. He told me to sit here on this step and wait for him an' not go anywhere so that's what I'm doing. I always do what Jack tells me. You don't," the kid said accusingly. "That's why you always needed Jack to rescue you cos you didn't do what Jack said and you argued with him and made him sad."

Daniel sat on his hands in case temptation became too strong. "So… I was just going to ask you if you wanted to come get the puppy I bought you. He's in my car out there." He pointed to the street, where the dark van he'd come in, waited, its tinted windows glinting in the early morning sunshine.

"Jack told me to-"

"Wait right here. I know. But he wouldn't mind if you're just out there on the sidewalk with me." He pulled a hand out from under his butt and patted Danny's shoulder… not too firmly. "I wanted it to be a surprise for Jack too," he added, softly.

"Oh, I guess it'll be okay then." Danny jumped up and headed for the van, Daniel at his heels. "Jack loves surprises. He told me you don't like surprises much that's why he's glad I'm here now so he's got someone he can have fun with again."

Daniel watched as Teal'c got out of the driver's side of the van and wandered around to the sliding door. "Hey T, wanna open the door so Danny here can climb in and get that surprise we've got waiting for him?"

"Of course." Teal'c bowed his head and opened the door, waiting for Danny to climb in then climbed in behind him, the child-sized zat gun he'd borrowed from Rya'c in his hand.

Daniel winced as a flash of light came from the interior of the van then Teal'c climbed out and gave him a smile of support. "Do not worry, Daniel Jackson. The boy is only of worth if he is uninjured. I will take him to the ship now where his new master will beam him aboard the 'Beezlebub' and begin his training for his new life as a domestic slave. The boy will learn many new things. And life will become as normal for SG:1 once more." He pulled a note from his pocket and handed it to Daniel. "I believe the writing is a reasonable facsimile of Danny's," he said as he climbed back into the van and drove away.

Daniel smiled to himself then went back up the path and knocked on Jack's door. "Hey, Jack," he said as former (and soon to be again) lover opened it. "I found this note on your step. Where's Danny? I was hoping to see him again."

Jack opened the note and his eyes filled with tears. Silently, he handed the note to Daniel then turned back to the kitchen and began unpacking his fishing supplies.

"Dear Jack (the note read)

I'm leaving. I can't believe you want me to hang around and go to kindergarten. Have you seen the amount of crap they make me carry in my backpack, and they won't even let me use a bag on wheels. If I stay here, I'm gonna be a hunchback by the time I'm six. Ten gluesticks, for crying out loud!!!

Anyway, don't worry about me. I'm moving to Cascade, Washington. There's a guy there who's interested in studying me. His last thesis subject didn't work out. I'm not surprised. I mean - a Sentinel?!? Give a me a break. But he seems like a good guy and he says I can live in the room under the stairs now he doesn't need to sleep there anymore. Apparently, he's moved up in the world.

Have a good life, Jack. Go back to heading up SG:1 and going to the cabin with Daniel. He's a great guy… and guess what? He does so like fishing.

Love Danny.

Daniel scrunched the note up and tossed it in the trash, then walked over to stand next to Jack. He began packing the fishing gear up again. "So… Jack, wanna go fishing?"

The End!!! Tadah!