The usual disclaimers apply.
immediately post TSbyBS.
given up so much for me, for my privacy, for my life and now here
once again sacrificing everything that made him who he was just so
stay with me.
wasn't sure Blair wanted to be a cop, even though he'd be a damned
but he'd smiled and acted happy about it when we'd sprung the
him. Not that he'd had much choice. I mean, we'd thrown him
badge in front of a room filled with other cops (and his mother,
who was doing a helluva good job of acting thrilled - color
I mean, what was he gonna say?
guys, thanks, but you know after 4 years of being kidnapped,
drugged, shot and treated like shit by Ellison, the last thing I
to join the ranks of Cascade's finest."
he didn't, of course. Just gave me that self-deprecating grin, the
had melted my heart ever since I'd known him and said he
it. When Simon had said I'd be looking for a permanent partner, he'd
smiled shyly again and asked, "Yeah?" as if he thought I'd
want any other
partner but him. Actually he probably did doubt it. I'd given
of reason to think he was the last person I'd trust to back me
in the last few days, not to mention all the other times I'd
of betraying me over the four years we'd known each other.
laughed along with everyone else when Simon had said he couldn't
badge till he did his weapons training and I was the only one
the sudden acceleration of his heart at the words.
no coward and he's taken out guys with implements ranging from
machine to giant wrenches in his time with me, but he hates
of carrying a gun. He's done it, though. Fired them too when he's had
to (and once when he didn't have to, when he was drugged out of
on Golden) but I know it's probably the thing he dreads the
becoming a cop. Not carrying the gun so much, but having to make that
decision every cop dreads - deciding when to shoot to kill.
he'd let me pull him into a mock-headlock and give him a
I made a stupid joke about making a Blair-skin rug. Everyone
and then went off to do their own thing and Blair had pulled
of my arms and looked into my eyes.
I knew. I wanted to grab him and haul him off somewhere private so we
could talk but then Naomi was there, throwing her arms around him
him that of course she was happy he was going to be a pig... sorry,
cop... and no, she really didn't mind, as long as he was happy.
her and looked at me over her shoulder and I could see the misery in
his eyes, even while he was assuring her that he'd never been
walked away then and I knew he thought I was rejecting him again but
just couldn't stand to see how much pain my selfishness had
I loved Blair with all my heart, yet I had never told him and all
seemed to do was allow him to be hurt because of me and by me.
was heading for the roof of the building to think things over when
running footsteps behind me. I'd know those footsteps anywhere, so
my pace and let him catch up to me.
His voice was a little unsure and he reached out a hand and hooked my
elbow, pulling me to a halt. "You okay?" he asked, as I
turned to face him.
I'm fine, Chief. You okay?" I asked, my eyes fixed on
sure." He nodded, a little too heartily, and grinned, the smile
his eyes. "So, where you going? Everybody's going for
shrugged. "Just needed some quiet time. Tell them I'll join them
I come with you?" The question was hesitant and I hated the fact
still thought I didn't want him around anymore.
you want to go with the guys? And your mom? She probably wants you to
herself for a while, anyway." I wanted nothing more than to drag
him up to
the roof with me, away from everyone else and tell him how I felt
he'd done for me, tell him how sorry I was for everything I'd done
to him but I wasn't sure I had the right. At least the guys and
hadn't accused him of selling them out. That distinction fell to
rather be with you," he said.
I led the way into the stairwell and up onto the roof, feeling
me all the way, at my back, where he'd been from the
right up against the wall surrounding the roof, we looked out at the
skyline of the city I'd been the sometimes-reluctant Sentinel of
past four years.
heard Blair inhale a little jerkily and extended my hearing to find
It was a little fast and that reminded me that my Guide really hated
heights so I moved us back a few feet and sank down with my
one of the air conditioning vents that jutted out onto
sat down beside me, still not saying anything but at least his
was within normal limits now.
turned and looked up at me and I wondered how I'd never noticed
beautiful he was. Not in a pretty boy way. With that 5 o'clock
could never be considered pretty. His beauty is in his
and the gentleness and vulnerability of his full mouth. I'd
to him physically ever since I'd shoved him up against the wall in
his office, but this was more than mere physical attraction, more
don't have to do this, you know? Become a cop. We can probably set
sort of paid consultant position or something..."
shook his head. "If I'm a consultant, it means I'd probably get
to Homicide and other departments. I just want to be your
It's all I've ever really wanted," he said, blue eyes
didn't look happy about it," I said softly.
scared I won't ever be able to do this again," he
then he leaned across and kissed my mouth gently,
and I kissed him back and knew in that moment that wherever Blair
Sandburg went, and whatever he wanted to do with the rest of
I was going to be there, at his side, where I should have been