You know, I was in the truck the other day, the radio playing -Sandburg had switched stations, again - and this song came on. I can't even remember who sang it or what all the words are - something about an onion girl - but it started me thinking. Sandburg, no...Blair, is like an onion. An onion boy. And not one of those sour, eye watering ones. No, he's like one of those red Spanish salad onions that you can eat raw and that make a salad all that much nicer just by being there; all colourful, sweet and tangy.
And I'm not just talking about his clothes. Although I can definitely see the possibilities of peeling away layer after layer of flannel. I love gradually exposing warmer and warmer layers of cloth that have absorbed more and more of his heat the closer they are to his compact body. Sometime simply undressing him is tons more erotic than seeing him naked. Not that I don't find him erotic naked. There is nothing non-erotic about him when he has no clothes on. Oh, no. I could come alone from watching him breathe naked. But that's another story.
It goes deeper than that. Blair has layers that I still don't know about, even though I've gotten to the core. See, he has the tough, cackly outer layer, where he jokes and laughs and never seems to be fazed by anything. I mean, everyone knows that Blair bounces back. He bounced back from dying. He bounced back from giving up his life's work to become a cop. He bounced back from all the hazing and the hurt that his fellow cadets gave him. And I'll kill them if I ever found out who really did it...the sons of bitches. But that's another story. The point is, on one level, Blair is this incredibly resilient guy who rolls with the punches and is able to joke about Blessed Protectors after almost being killed by psychopaths.
But once you peel back the layers, what you see underneath are the tender, succulent layers. The layers that, when you really cut into them, are the ones that make you cry. But if you want to get to the core of the onion, you gotta go through them...sometimes with a really sharp knife.
See, the layers on the top don't keep the inner layers from bruising. And Blair's got tons of bruises. I've held him while he's screamed in nightmares...not all of them having to do with police work.
His mother, god bless her absentminded hippy heart, left some really deep bruises that were rotting the core...from the inside. Until I got to them and cut them out. I can still tell that sometimes he worries I'll leave, just like his mother always left, just like everyone he's cared about has left.
But still, he forgives her and puts forth this cheery exterior, hiding the pain. 'Detach with love.' - Yeah right. I think I could hate Naomi, for sending off Blair's thesis, for telling him that he wasn't cut out for this life, for wanting him away from me...I would if Blair didn't love her almost as much as he loves me. I'm not being too arrogant here am I? He does love me. Hell, he gave up his dream for me. Now he follows a new one, one that puts more bruises on his inner layers in a week than his old life did all together.
The difference between Blair and an onion though, is that with an onion when you've peeled back the layers, all you're left with is a bunch of onions bits that you cut up and eat or throw out. With Blair there's a core, a centre. And it's just full light and beauty and caring and all the wonderful things that go into making my lover the greatest person on the face of the planet. I mean that. The inner core of Blair shines with a power that goes beyond mortality. I think we both caught a glimpse of it that day... that day by the fountain. God, I still can't walk by there without cold shivers going down my spine. How Blair manages to walk by it to get to his office every day I don't know. That's what the layers are for I guess. But anyhow, when we merged, and I mean that in the deepest possible ways, we caught a glimpse of that light, that power. It was incredible.
I think Blair changed after that. The outer layers got
tougher. He wore his hair back. He stopped bouncing. He seemed
withdrawn. But you know what? I think he was making up for the power within
him. I do. I hope so. If he didn't have the layers than everyone would
be able to see the incredible light within him, and frankly I don't want to share.
Call it selfish; call it whatever you want, but I want all that light for my own.
Only people who are willing and able to move beyond the layers to see the light should
have the pleasure of glimpsing Blair's true essence. Yeah, I'm waxing poetic, I
know. But hey, isn't that what people do when they're in love?