Host: Okay, for a research dissertation subject, this is your question. What does the word "Chief" stand for?
A) the head of the police department
B) a derogatory term used to refer to Native American leaders
C) the affectionate nickname given by Sentinels to their Guides
D) the name of the cocker spaniel next door
Contestant: Oh that's easy Reeves. It's 'C.'
Host: And you're right!
Host: Now I understand that you're a graduate student at Rainer University. What would you do if you managed to be a Guide?
Contestant: Well, I've always seen myself as Shaman to the Great City. I think that'd be really cool. And I wouldn't mind the fame. <grins>
Host: Okay, for a roof over your head after yours explodes, here's the question: <grandiose music and flashing lights whirl> What earing would a Guide like to have
A) a peace symbol
B) a small silver badge
C) a pirate's hoop
D) a clip on
Contestant: Well, you see Reeves, I happen to have done extensive study on the subject of Guide rings...both earrings and nipple rings. Being an anthropologist....<rambles on for about ten minutes while the audience wishes he'd just get on with the answer already> So my answer will have to be 'B"
<pregnant pause.....goes into labor....>
Host: And that's correct!
<Contestant smiles as audience claps...as if anyone couldn't answer *that* question.>
Host: Now remember, you've still got you're lifelines available. So you can use them at anytime. Let's move on to the next question shall we? Here we go. Going for a Blessed Protector, what is the biggest weakness of Sentinels?
C) dropping one's gun
D) his Guide's safety
Contestant: Wow. Now that's a tricky one. Hmmm. I'm pretty sure that I know what it is, but I think I'll use one of my lifelines.
Host: Which one would you like?
Contestant: I'd like to ask the audience. They're always right, right?
Host: Okay, audience. Pick up your control and punch in the answers. <fancy computer graphics appear> Well, an overwhelming response. 99.9 percent say it is 'his Guide's safety'. The SALers must have bought tickets for tonight.
Contestant: Well, far be it from me to go against such a knowledgeable group. I'll say 'D'.
Host: And you're right!
Contestant: See, the audience is never wrong! <Shoots a blinding smile at the audience. A certain law student faints from the twinkle in his blue eyes. Mass swooning.>
Host: Okay, moving right along. Now, at this point you're guaranteed to have a Blessed Protector. No matter where you stop, you're guaranteed that. But now, for an all expenses paid trip to Peru, complete with a jump out of an airplane and a lizard down your pants, what are elevators for?
A) going up and down from floor to floor
B) making out in between floors
C) putting Little Guppies in peril
Contestant: Um. 'C', putting little Guppies in peril.
Host: Is that your final answer ? <attempting to shed doubt>
Contestant: That is my final answer.
Host: And it's the right one! All right. The tension is mounting. For, a second chance at life -- after a long nasty cliffhanger, what are yellow scarves?
A) pretty hair accessories
B) source of nightmares
C) garment to keep ears warm with
D) a fashion faux-pas
Contestant: <shudders. Audience members must be restrained from storming the floor to provide comfort> Definitely B. Final answer.
Host: Right again! Now, you've come very far. Only two more questions to go. If you stop here, you get a second chance at life....if you go on you could be reduced down to Blessed Protector.
Contestant: I want to go on. I've got my lifelines.
<audience claps and wolf-whistles.>
Host: Okay. For a Spirit Guide, what is absolutely required of the Sentinel by their Guide:
A) cook them supper
B) hold them when they need comforting....lots of holding. Comforting...tucking in when sick. <achem>
C) check up on their girlfriends
D) pick up after their messes
Contestant: Gee. That's tricky. I'm going to have to use one of those lifeline. How about fifty-fifty?
Host: Okay, we'll remove two of the answers, leaving you with one real answer and one false. <fancy computer graphic ensue> and we're left with B and C
Contestant: Ah, man. Those were the two I had to choose from. I'll have to make a guess then...
Host: You can always walk away with the second chance at life. If you guess wrong, then you'll be reduced to Blessed Protector.
Contestant. No, I'm going to go for it. <cheers from the audience> And I'm going to guess 'B'. A whole list can't be devoted to it, if its not important.
<bated breath...music goes all suspenseful-like>
Host: And you're right!
<'Whooohooo!' 'Go Gupster!' 'Damp, not Dead!' 'Come on Lambchop!' Audience finally subdues itself.>
Host: and now the final question. For being a Guide.....what is the lesson one is supposed to learn from everything?
B) its about friendship
C) Wet and cold is my world
D) Always stay in the truck
Contestant: Well, I'd like to use my last life line.
Host: Okay, who would you like to call?
Contestant: I'd like to call my roommate, Jim.
Host: Our friends at CascadeTel will call him up....
<telephone ring and is picked up>
Host: Hello, is this Jim?
//Yeah, who's this?//
Host: This is Reeves Fildmen.
//Can this wait? I've got an interrogation to go to?//
Host: Well, Blair is going to read a question and then you'll have twenty seconds to talk about it. Starting *now*.
Contestant: Jim, I really don't need your help really. I just wanted to let you know that the lasagne is defrosting in the microwave and I replaced your toothpaste with an all natural brand. It's in the cupboard over the sink. I might be a bit late getting home, but if I have any problems I' ve got the cell phone.
//Okay, Chief. See you then. Take care driving home; the roads are slippery. I'll have some herbal tea waiting for when you get in.//
Host: Okay, time's up. <call disconnected>
Contestant.: The answer is -- and always will be -- 'B'.
Host: Final answer?
Contestant: The only one to give.
<Audience sits forward on seats, nails get bitten, muses get bashed on the head as h/c snippets flash, angst plot-bunnies bounce under the bleachers>
Host: CONGRATULATIONS! You are the newest Guide!
<Blue eyes survey the room, see hordes of screaming SALers, and Blair beats a hasty retreat....>
Host: Alright then, lets see who our next contestant will be on 'Who wants to be a Guide'. We've got Henri, Megan, Rafe and Simon who have all qualified. Please put in order the following.....
<scene fades and returns to loft>
"Blair...wake up Blair."
"mmmm. Jim.....final answer."
"Come on Chief, we've got a long day tomorrow and you should get to sleep. I'm taping your show for you so you can watch it tomorrow. Though, why you like that overpompous excuse for a game show is beyond me."
"Mnphm 'kay." Jim sighed, and bending down bundled his tousle-headed, dopey-eyed Guide into his arms and carried him off to his bedroom. He tucked the blankets around the younger man's shoulders
"Sweet dreams." Jim reached for the light switch.