Easy Out
by: Joana Dey

This poem first appeared in No Holds Barred #16 and is re-printed here with the permission of the publisher and author. No Holds Barred is still in print and available.

 

I can't believe you did that, Bodie.
It has to be the stupidest thing you've ever done.
You promised me, Bodie, you swore you'd never
ever
leave me.
You promised to love me forever.
You lied.
The dead can't love.

Do you know, I never noticed that yellow streak down your back.
But you had it, you coward.
It's so easy to die.
What the hell made you think I would want to live without you?
It's harder to be the one stuck behind,
forced to struggle alone with no support.
We were two halves of a whole, Bodie
and you shattered -completely- what I had for a soul.

They could shoot me now-- don't worry,
Bodie, I can't die.
I have no heart left to bleed my life away.
It was crushed to nothing that night, remember?
Did you think you were brave when you slammed me
away from that speeding car?
Did you spare a tiny thought for how I'd survive alone?
Maybe I was the one who should have died,
if not for you I...

Who gave you the right to decide life or death?
I'm here, and you're gone.
Dead is finished. Over. You'll be worms soon.
So very beautiful, my Bodie, turning into dust.
Did you know Bodie, I would have walked through Hell.
With you, for you.
But what you did, Bodie, oh Christ,
I'll be living in Hell forever, alone.

At night I reach out-- that great, empty bed,
the other side is so cold, just like you.
I touched your face, before they closed the lid.
Did you feel my fingers tremble?

Where are you now, I wonder?
In Heaven?
You?
Or in Hell, where you should be for leaving me.
If you were here, right now, this second----

-----Bodie, if you weren't dead already
I'd kill you myself.


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