Candy is Dandy

Joana Dey


    "Can't believe I let you talk me into this, Doyle." Bodie glared at his other half, who was standing bare-arsed in front of him, arms filled with colored material.

    "Come on, Bodie, you love stuff like this. Costumes, drinks, FOOD..." Doyle let his voice trail off, giving Bodie time to envision the delectable delights ahead of them - if he'd only put the damn costume on so they could go. " 'sides it was your idea."

    "Was my idea to go to the party, not to wear these idiot outfits!" He shook open his trousers, ready to step back into them, only to have Doyle reach over and yank them out of his grasp. "Where you'd get this idea anyway?"

    "Put these on." He handed Bodie a pair of women's black tights and set about shinnying into his own set. "Murph's found himself a Yank bird, and she wanted to have a Halloween do, and --"

    "Not that, you twit. I know about tiffany. Where'd you get these blood awful things?" He pointed to the small pile Doyle had dropped on the floor.

    "Oh, Tiffany." Doyle glanced up from carefully rearranging his important bits in the tight nylon and saw that Bodie hadn't moved. "Okay," he sighed. "What do you want from me?"


    "What do I have to do to get you into those clothes?" Doyle asked patiently.

    "You're usually more in a hurry to get me out of my togs, goldilocks, not into 'em." Bodie tried to change the subject, eyeing his tossed aside trousers longingly.

    "Bodie..." Doyle was beginning to sound a little ragged. He made quite a picture standing in the middle of the room, hands on black-clad hips, his furry chest looking rather incongruous above the feminine stockings.

    "Think you should go just like that, Ray, give the birds a thrill." Bodie took a quick step forward, fingers reaching to tweak a rosy nipple.

    "Stop it, Bodie!" Doyle shivered as the cool fingers pinched him gently. "Put the costume on."

    Bodie looked searchingly into Doyle's face. There was no amusement hiding in the green eyes. He signed, and bent down to slip the stockings over his feet. "You're writing the reports for the next month, Doyle. No arguments about it. You want me looking like some...some...damn. What are we supposed to be, anyway?"

    "Just something sweet," Doyle answered absently, his eyes on Bodie's busy hands. "Want some help there?"

    "No thank you. I can manage fine on my own," Bodie answered primly, nose in the air, as he finished tucking himself in.

    "Right then, put this on next." And Doyle handed over what looked like an extremely large pillowcase with holes. An ugly brown one at that.

    "Tisn't me colour, love," Bodie lisped, trying to hand it back. One dark look from Doyle and proceeded to sip it over his head. "Feel like a complete fool."

    " 's okay, I love you anyway." Doyle grinned at him, trying not to laugh outright at the sight he made.

    The outfit was baggy, and his strong, muscular thighs tightly encased in the black nylon, poked through two holes in the bottom. Snaps fastened the material between his legs, making it easy to get in and out of. He rather resembled a large, romper-clad baby, not that any self-respecting mum would subject her tyke to such a hideous color.

    "Back in a tick, gotta use the loo." Doyle gathered his costume off the bed and made his way to the toilet with Bodie's eyes glaring a hole in the back of his neck.

    When he came back out, he was zipping his jacket, his costume disappearing beneath the leather. Handing Bodie his own jacket, he started for the front door. Bodie watched him, still dubious about the whole thing, but finally followed.

    "Why'd you get the yellow one?" Bodie complained

    Just a ray o' sunshine, arent' I?" Doyle quipped.

    "More like you need the camouflage."

    The party was at Murphy's flat and most of the mob from CI5 had already gathered by the time Bodie and Doyle arrived. They dropped their jackets in the entryway and Bodie glanced down at the front of his costume. Across the front in large letters was written "M&Ms." Beneath that, in smaller print was "plain."

    He gazed up at Doyle in Disgust. "I am not plain."

    "No," Doyle agreed, peeking over his shoulder at Bodie's doleful expression. You're beautiful, charming, modest, delightful...and a great lover," he added quickly when he saw the warning look in his mate's eye.

    He grabbed hold of Bodie's arm, dragging him into the main room. There was a moment of silence as everyone took in the costumes; the one by one they started chuckling. Bodie looked down at himself again, then over at Doyle. The round face was split in half by a huge grin. Bodie's eyes widened. With the exception of color, their outfits were identical but for one small difference.

    Across the front of Doyle's costume was the same "M&Ms" logo. But beneath it, nestled directly over his groin, were two smaller words: "with nuts."